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Blair: Everyone will catch Covid in 45mins




The former PM and unrepentant liar has given the anti-vax movement a significant boost by promoting a fourth vaccine. Complained one scientist: 'Great, just what we needed, an endorsement by Harold Shipman'.


The snake-oil salesman insisted the fourth jab was necessary, as Saddam Hussain had caused Covid. Said one voter: 'I assume Blair has just been lobbied by big Pharma to inject us with Bill Gates' nanobots. Either that, or he'll dose us up with Rohypnol and steal our bank details.


Blair explained that he would coordinate the injections from a secluded wood. It would be administered by a nice MI5 man and we won't 'feel a thing'. And, anyway, the autopsy report would just say suicide.



First published 23 Dec 2021


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Christmas cancelled after Lynx Africa gift set workers announce industrial action



In news that has left a shell-shocked country utterly shell-shocked, bereft shoppers have been plunged into a sea of misery by yet more strike action news.


Workers at the state-of-the-art Lynx factory in Hartlepool have voted overwhelmingly in favour of an immediate walkout. This led to dramatic shortages of the much sought-after deodorant on the nation’s high streets, leading to outbreaks of violent and frenzied panic buying.


As he lay in the middle of the high street after succumbing to a mild cardiac arrest, Ray Divots was more concerned about the Lynx Africa shortage than his ambulance, which was already three days late.


“I’m not walking about smelling like a cat’s minge" said Mr Divots in a ghastly northern accent. "Blokes like me are utterly dependent on Lynx Africa at Christmas. What else am I going to buy the brother-in-law?"


The government has been quick to deny union accusations that it had refused to come to the negotiating table or negotiating bathroom vanity unit for that matter.


A spokesman defended the pay award to the Lynx workers, saying that it was set by the independent perfume review body and you don’t get any more independent than that. He went on to announce that the government has put thousands of sewage treatment workers on standby in case this whole thing leaves a nasty taste in everyone’s mouth.



image from pixabay


First published 22 Dec 2022


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Secret film emerges of Prince Charles rehearsing Coronation ceremony




Video, taken from a hidden camera on the Prince of Wales’s Highgrove estate, has emerged, seemingly showing the heir to the throne taking part in a mock Coronation ceremony.


He is surrounded by flunkeys wearing masks of the world leaders, and one wearing what appears to be a tea cosy on his head playing the Archbishop of Canterbury.


While Charles regally processes up and down the garden path, Camilla can be seen practising a Royal wave or two.


A spokeslackey commented, “His Royal Highness feels with covid rampant, and the very, very elderly still vulnerable, he needs to be prepared for any and every eventuality. Mind you; he has been doing this every week for the past twenty years now.”



First published 21 Dec 2021


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