top of page
Search

Dogs at Polling Stations mortified by Tory owners


Cuddly and sad-faced pooches have been photographed being adorable at polling places up and down the country as local election fever grips almost no-one at all.


One golden retriever, who suspects his owner is a Tory voter, woofed ‘I used to think an exit poll was a particularly unpleasant bowel movement, but when my owner can’t meet my eye after voting, I sense his Tory shame. As a dog, deliberate NHS underfunding and a slide towards privatisation have no bearing on me at all. But how many humans look at that and think 'I will never be ill or die – the Tories seem fine to me'. Maybe they admire the naked corruption and raw incompetence? Kay Burley said there was sadness in my eyes. The Tories are the reason why, although I will say I’m in favour of how many dead cats they produce.’



Image from Pixabay by Birgl


First published 11 May 2022



If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?














Kim Jong-un in great victory over zooplankton


The Deary-me Leader Kim Jong-un celebrated the successful firing of another missile into the ocean this week. 'This is a great day for phytoplankton. For too long the running dogs of the American imperialists have oppressed the little guys at the bottom of the food chain, gobbling phytoplankton with no regard for its rights. Well, we showed them.'


Journalists asked how Americans are oppressing single-celled marine plant life. 'They banned eating whales, which reduced predatorial pressure on zooplankton, thus increasing zooplankton numbers and reducing phytoplankton in a systemic response. Don’t they teach ecological population dynamics to journalists anymore?'


When questioned further about whether a North Korean missile could really distinguish between friendly phytoplankton and zooplanktonic foes, Kim Jong-un was philosophical. 'Even one’s own must be sacrificed in war, just ask uncle Vlad.'


Author: Dogular


Image from Pixabay by FotoshopTofs


First published 10 May 2022


If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?














New Doctor Who 'too thin, or something' complain racists


Racists who have never actually seen Doctor Who are complaining that the new Doctor, Ncuti Gatwa, is far too thin to play the famous Time Lord.


'Primarily, I’m worried about his health, said William McCleod. 'I’ve never watched the show and have no interest in it whatsoever, but I’m led to believe there’s lots of running around and that. You need to be well nourished to play this role and I’m not sure his slim frame can handle it.


'If he can’t take the exertion required for the role, he would surely have to be replaced by a white, middle-aged, male with a Home Counties accent.'


Mr McLeod's associate was unable to refrain from adding, 'At least it’s not another girl.'


First published 9 May 2022



If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?














bottom of page