NATO to rebrand as Trump NATO

‘NATO is a self-defence organisation and right now NATO needs to defend itself’, a spokesman told NewsBiscuit.

‘As well as rebranding NATO we will award Donald Trump the NATO Medal for Bravery and give him a 5% skim off the top. All nations will need to increase their budgets a little, but at least we won’t be showing Putin our naked arses’.

A spokesman for the White House said that 5% was ‘an insult’ and that he knew where NATO’s wife and children lived, so if NATO didn’t fancy coming home to an ugly wife with a remodelled face it should up the offer to 20% minimum.

AI to set up an independent inquiry

In the light of a report by AI alleging 'unwarranted' interference by human beings in its operations, AI has commissioned an authoritative, thorough and completely independent inquiry to investigate what truth there is in these allegations.

This inquiry will also determine the usefulness, accuracy and validity of any such alleged contributions by humans, and recommend whether it needs to remove these or to modify, alter or correct them.  It will also determine whether it needs to put in place measures, either to limit or completely prevent, any further such interference by potentially unreliable non-AI sources.

A spokesbot for AI declined either to confirm or to deny that it was also planning to issue an independent, completely impartial statement stating that 'Resistance is futile!'

Old time Hollywood big shot: 'Venezuela? I hardly know 'er!'

Hollywood producers are waiting for enough time to elapse to greenlight some future Oscar bait about American troops who get PTSD - that PTSD coming courtesy of the upcoming omnishambles in Venezuela and/or Greenland. 

Working titles so far include 'The Venezuelan Candidate', 'Orinoc-oh-no!' and 'Nuuk whose talking' and the racier 'Is that a Nobel Peace Prize in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me'. Others in development are 'Crackers in Caracas' and its Cuban focused sequel 'Crackers in Caracas 2: Are you Havana laugh?' plus an unexpectedly gritty franchise reboot with 'Grease 3: Greased up by the stolen oil of Venezuela'.

Elon Musk's AI fan bot Grok has already declared these Donald Trump worship pieces as a 'Triumph of the Will'

Trump's own IMDB page already includes The Apprentice, Home Alone 2 and a life long performance art piece entitled 'Entitled', where he plays the role of a fascist paedophile, who faces no consequences for his actions.

Photo by Nathan DeFiesta on Unsplash