Only 98% of Russians will vote for Putin, according to opinion polls

Researchers in Russia have learned that Russians are becoming tired of the Limited Military Operation started over three years ago, are fed up with prices rising exponentially and are quite frankly frightened about the Ukrainian missiles destroying half the petrochemical sites in Russia.  They also are worried about the more than one million Russians who appear to have either died in combat or lost their limbs.

As a result, the polling for the 2026 elections are showing a serious downturn in support for President Putin, with expectations that the 99% support from 100% of the population likely to drop to an unprecedented 98%.  The results of next year's election are expected to be published next week, supporting these polls.

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Panorama releases more dodgy Trump clips

The BBC’s Panorama programme announced today it has some more clips of President Trump saying awful things.

The clips appear to show Trump admitting the moon landings were faked, confessing to being the Boston Strangler, encouraging John Wilkes-Booth to assassinate Abraham Lincoln and telling the residents of Pompeii not to worry as 'Vesuvius always makes noises like that.'

However, critics have pointed out that the footage seems very jerky, suggesting these are different bits of film crudely spliced together - an impression strengthened by the fact that Trump often appears to change clothes several times in the course of a sentence. Moreover, a lot of the footage doesn’t seem to be Trump at all, just the member of Panorama staff who does the best Trump impression wearing a silly wig.

'Guys, this really isn’t helpful,' said leading Democrat Chuck Schumer. 'What Trump actually says is awful enough, we don’t need you to make stuff up. It just encourages people not to trust what they see on the news.'

However, by the time Panorama had finished editing his statement, it sounded like he was coming out strongly in favour of the licence fee, and demanding Panorama be recommissioned for another season.

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Nobel and FIFA to swap roles

The worlds of international football and random selection of activity prize-giving have collided and been shaken up with the news that the Nobel Committee and FIFA are going to swap roles from now on.

The Nobel Committee are taking over international football tournaments, starting with the 2026 men's World Cup, but soon to include regional competitions like the European Championships, African Cup of Nations and the Copa America. Nobel has denied that they will grant Norway automatic qualification, at least not for the Copa America.

Meanwhile FIFA are following their innovative award of a Peace Prize to Donald Trump with a Gastronomy prize to be awarded to Luis Suarez, and an Economics prize to Michel Platini.

A spokesdemon denied that awarding a peace prize to Trump would earn FIFA bosses a spot on hell, saying that 'we've been keeping seats warm for everyone on the board of FIFA for years.'

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