Ukraine plot twist - it was all a dream

Keir Starmer and President Zelensky have agreed to use the Pam Ewing peace plan. With this plan, Russia withdraws to its borders, the last 50 years never happened, and Bobby Ewing becomes head of NATO.

Continuity-wise, this means erasing the Putin storyline, but Zelenskyy said he has no problem with that. The entire misstep of the provoking the Russians will be put down too much cheese the night before. The fever dream will allow the show to run for another season-at least until winter kicks in.

Critics have said that the Pam Dream Plan is not plausible, but supporters point out that neither was a Ukraine victory. Some say it is not canon, but Zelenskyy is not very keen on any kind of canon. Meanwhile, the Trump Peace Plan will be repurposed for the EastEnders Xmas special, where everyone dies.

Image credit: Stable Diffusion

Only 98% of Russians will vote for Putin, according to opinion polls

Researchers in Russia have learned that Russians are becoming tired of the Limited Military Operation started over three years ago, are fed up with prices rising exponentially and are quite frankly frightened about the Ukrainian missiles destroying half the petrochemical sites in Russia.  They also are worried about the more than one million Russians who appear to have either died in combat or lost their limbs.

As a result, the polling for the 2026 elections are showing a serious downturn in support for President Putin, with expectations that the 99% support from 100% of the population likely to drop to an unprecedented 98%.  The results of next year's election are expected to be published next week, supporting these polls.

Image credit: WIX/Unsplash

Similarities of Mechanically Recovered Meat and Reform Policies

Reformed meat, the worst kind of meat, has similarities with Reform Policies, the worst kind of policies.

How Mechanically Recovered Meat is made

• Meat is separated from flesh-bearing bones or poultry carcasses through a high-pressure mechanical process

• The meat is pushed through a sieve, or similar device, to separate it from the bones

• This process modifies or destroys the original muscle fibre structure, resulting in a paste-like consistency

• The final product can be used to bulk up other meat products

• The end result is a mound of paste like slurry, consisting of meat, fat, and gristle

How a Reform Policy is made 

• Policies are separated from Conservative Manifestos, and YouTube comments sections, through high-pressure verbal abuse

• The proposal is pushed through a narrow-minded focus group, or similar method, to separate it from reason

• This process modifies or destroys the original policy structure, resulting in poor consistency

• The final product can be used to bulk up other empty manifesto promises

• The end result is a policy that is liked by mounds of paste like slurry, consisting of meat, fat, and gristle

Image credit: perchance.org