Social media influencers sent to make peace deal with Iran
- Jeremynh
- 8 minutes ago
- 1 min read
"We figured that negotiations in Islamabad would go nowhere if left solely in the hands of witless Steve Witkoff and that idiot princeling, Jared Kushner," said a US State Department source.
"That's why we've sent along a team of fake-tanned female TikTok influencers. I mean, why not give it a try? They've all made fortunes peddling snake oil to teenagers. Maybe they can sell a deal to the Iranians which will re-open the Strait of Hormuz."
"Who are we meeting?" asked beauty products influencer Sharon from Basildon, cluelessly. "Some bloke called Mohammad-Bagher Ghalibaf?"
"Crazy name, crazy guy!" interjected bottle-blonde Karen from New Jersey. "I'll start off by selling him this $20.99 beard trimmer and some smashed avocado hair tonic, then he'll be putty in my Gen Z hands."
"We abhor these degenerate Western influencers!" ranted a spokesman for the Islamic Republic. "To us, they are 'sinfluencers'- nothing but a bunch of filthy whores and Jezebels!
"How much do they charge for a night?"