Massive Christmas Radio Times lists everything on YouTube

This year’s Christmas Radio Times is a record-breaking 1,200 pages, and costs £22.

This year’s magazine lists the on-line festive offerings for the first time.  It has traditionally given comprehensive listings for terrestrial TV and some streaming services, but is now bowing to modern media usage.

‘People watch less and less TV, and more and more content on social media apps,’ says analyst Mike Teevee.  ‘The Radio Times was looking increasingly out of date.  The clue’s in the name.  This latest move is interesting.  You could accuse them of trying to print out the internet.  Twelve hundred pages is going to be too heavy for a lot of old folk.  But marks for effort.’

Magazine editor Liz Tings is talking up the festive edition. ‘The Christmas Radio Times is a family tradition.  It’s the issue that makes us all the profit for the whole year, so it’s important that we get it right.  This year, we are helping our readers to navigate all of the wacky stuff on the internet, seeking out the best dancing kitten videos for Mum, car crashes for Dad, and skibidi toilet stuff for the kids.  We’ve done our best to steer clear of all the dodgy stuff on the net, and we have not listed any websites on the Dark Net.

‘We obviously haven’t listed everything on YouTube.  We didn’t have enough pages for that.  But we have listed the Christmas highlights of past years, and our experts have curated the best content for 2025.  Not all YouTubers were able to give us preview tapes, unfortunately.

‘The magazine is now quite big, so it comes with a separate highlights leaflet, so that you find the most popular programmes quickly.

‘We are aware that the magazine will have used lots and lots of paper, so we are encouraging everyone to keep their copy for the New Year.  Page 1,196 gives readers our 2026 work-out plan, so that they can get fit by using the Radio Times, instead of buying dumbbells or weights.  We have a competition to find the biggest Radio Times loser, who will win a year’s subscription – so that they can find out what the magazine is like at all the other times of the year.

image from google gemini

Australia counts the cost of social media ban

Aussie kids under 16 aren't allowed on social media any more. And Australia is suffering the consequences.

'There is more graffiti, says Sydney Duff, of Melbourne City Council. 'And more antisocial behaviour . Kids pestering koalas, and roos, and drop bears, that sort of thing. Mel Duff, no relation, of Sydney City Council, agreed. 'Littering is up, chewing gum on sidewalks is up, and four penguins are missing from Taronga Zoo.'

The city police commissioner could also see the negative impact of the ban. 'Call outs to misdemeanours are up by 112% - and that's only 24 hours after the ban took effect. It's ringing doorbells and running away, moving wheelie bins so the garbos can't empty them, dingo doo-doo through letterboxes, stuff like that. It's low level bad behaviour, but it's still annoying. It's un-Australian.'

'Shoplifting is on the up as well. Without their phones and screens, kids are amusing themselves by stealing Tim Tams, Vegemite, and packs of Lamingtons.

'We reckon the court system for juvies will clog up, and that up to 60% of under 16s could end up with a criminal record. But we do have a plan for that. Either they sign up for juvie Cricket school, or it's transportation back to England. That'll learn them.'

Image credit: stablediffusion.com

Australian kids forced to use Skippy the Bush Kangaroo to communicate

Australia's ban on social media means that kids will need to use a unique clicking system to communicate. Phones will be rendered useless, and the only friend they'll need will be the Head Ranger of Waratah National Park. 

The platform, called Bouncy-Bouncy, means kids have to carry a fully grown marsupial in their pockets. Two kangaroos can connect together, but it must be distances of less than 10-yards to hear the 'tchkk tchk tchk.'

The Australian government insisted that the kangaroo system will protect kids from harmful content – unless of course Sonny is trapped down a well. Kids will be heard saying, 'What's that Skippy? Billy's updated his dating status?'

Image credit: Stable Diffusion