Emergency services were called out to a fire on Blackpool's famous tower, only to discover it was an orange netting flapping in the wind.
"It may be a wind-up", said a spokesman, "but we certainly got the wind up when the wind got up and the fabric started flapping"
"The flames were a fabrication, it appears, but we were flapping alright"
"Its a flaming joke", said one Blackpool resident.
Image: digihanger - Pixabay
The Israeli Defence Force have formally asked Iceland if they can borrow 'some of those lovely volcanoes'.
An IDF spokesman said 'We enjoyed that thunderclap thing Iceland did at the Euros, but we're not quite sure if we could weaponize that. What we want is a few pyroclastic flows charging down the full length of the Gaza strip. We want a tidal wave of molten rock, several miles wide that fills every tunnel, turns the sky red and destroys everything and everyone – really get biblical on their ass. It is the Holy Land after all.'
'It would help us to uproot Hamas. It might even demolish a bit less of Gaza's remaining infrastructure and kill fewer journalists and civilians but please be assured, those are secondary considerations.'
In a separate development, the IDF put out another statement distancing themselves from Iain Duncan Smith.
Members of the Institute of Physics have agreed on a declaration, following a boozy and rather fractious lunch at The Ivy, that has been both hailed as historic and dismissed as weak. Here are the big takeaways:
In the first law, an object may be able to change its motion even if no force acts on it, providing the prevailing economic conditions support such a move.
In the second law, the force on an object will no longer be equal to its mass times its acceleration, but will be phased in over a period, to be agreed some time in future.
In the third law, when two objects interact, they apply forces to each other of equal magnitude and opposite direction but only if the larger object ,and all its allies, agree.
Politicians say the document did not go far enough for world leaders, who don't believe a word scientists say anyway.
