AI-designed new super-antibiotics hailed as ‘game changers’ when it comes to treating diseases at contrasting ends of the spectrum are giving hope to the seriously ill, pox-ridden, and absent-minded everywhere.
‘Yeah; MRSA, whatever,’ said Steve Greevling, a serial adulterer from Harlesden. ‘But the clap? Anything that stops my wife asking difficult questions about why we’re both itching more than Prince Andrew during Huddersfield Uni freshers’ week shows AI has its priorities sorted.’
Further incongruous medication pairings close to gaining regulatory approval include tablets which treat both heart disease and that level of wheat intolerance you only remember when either the cakes or attention on offer falls short of expectations, capsules which cure sepsis while also reminding you which night to put the bins out, and pessaries proven to reverse symptoms of most major cancers and any VAR decisions you don’t like.
‘Exponential technological advances might be hastening the inevitable end of humanity,’ agreed Steve, cheerily; ‘But if these lads can prevent my ring blazing like a Corbieres hillside every time I strain, our subjugation by emotionless robot overlords can’t come quickly enough. Especially those sexy-sounding ones.’
