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There were high expectations on this new model, in this case SiR Stormer. The build up to the launch was preceded by genuine positive expectations, however it turns out that this version is a bit of a let down, offering little joy and disappointing performance. The cost seems high for what it eventually delivered, and other competitors have already taken advantage of this.


The longevity of it is already in question and it appears to depreciate at an alarming rate. On an unchallenging run, it handles well but struggles under difficult conditions. Other countries have been complimentary on its capabilities, yet it has not faired so well here in Britain.


It is a small, compact unit much suited to urban environments; out in the countryside it has less appeal. You won’t see too many farmers choosing this to meet their needs.


Not the worst option out there, and maybe only appeals to true fans. Long term, will it be reliable enough to last or will they replace it with something flashier with a bit of zing? Only time will tell.


Pros

It turns on a sixpence

Surprisingly good for families with many children


Cons

Promises of low tax now seem exaggerated

Starts poorly and never really gets going


Functional but lacks any charm ✭✭✩✩✩




With the Metropolitan Police struggling to win over the hearts and minds of the public, let alone solve slam-dunk cases, they have decided to take a leaf out of regional police force methods and co-opt clerics to assist CID detectives.


'We're aware that some less populated areas have had considerable success by allowing Catholic Priests and C of E Vicars assist in murder enquiries,' said a Met spokesman today.  'Indeed, if my research is correct, the clerics seem to find the important piece of incriminating evidence in most cases, despite zero forensic or investigative training,' he added.


He noted there were no known examples of Imams or Sikh scripture readers assisting the police, then qualified that by adding 'in an investigative role, anyway,' but said the Met were open to considering them. Especially if the BBC were to produce any more hard hitting documentaries like the ones he had seen based in the criminal hotbeds of Kembleford and the inner city rough area called Grantchester.


'You can see how effective the clerics are if you use iPlayer on catch-up, possibly on Dave,' he said. 


Unfortunately the spokesman wasn't available for follow-up interview questions due to disappearing shortly after a meeting in his Chief Superintendents' office.  Two nuns and a recently defrocked priest are helping the Met to get to the bottom of the mystery, and the full investigation is expected to be shown on ITV3 later this year.



Image credit: perchance.org


An Open Letter to anyone who agrees with me.


The world is on the cusp of annihilation and I feel this must be addressed.


All the world leaders are pre-occupied with their own personal agendas at the moment. Donald Trump is trying to expand the United Empire of America, Vladimir Putin is trying to expand the Soviet Reunion, Xi Jinping has given up trying to find a volcano in London for his base/embassy, so is building one instead, and Keir Starmer is on the latest leg of his Deer-Lost-In-The-Headlights tour. Which means that no one is paying any attention to the Doomsday Clock, the thing that encourages everyone to think about Armageddon.


The Doomsday Clock shows how close the world is to nuclear war, thus Armageddon, thus Doomsday. When it is set at 9 o’clock, everything is all rainbows and unicorns. When it hits 12, all life on earth goes to join the unicorns in the world of extinction. However, there are many issues with the Doomsday Clock.


  1. It’s not a clock. It is one quarter of a clock, displaying 9, 10, 11, and 12. 'The Doomsday Quarter of a Clock' would be a better name.

  2. The Doomsday Quarter of a Clock has no gubbins. It has no cogs, no pendulum, no ticky bits or tocky bits. It is just a quarter of a clock face. And it has only one hand. The hour hand.

  3. The hand on the Doomsday Quarter of a Clock is moved by a person, which is FAR too much power for any one person to wield. What if they have turned up for work and somebody has stolen their parking space? What if they have overslept and haven’t had a proper cup of tea? What if they have had to drive aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall the way to work behind a ruddy cyclist?


So, bearing all of this in mind, here is my four-step plan to prevent the end of the world.


1. STOP MOVING THE HAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. Someone completely trustworthy should move the hand back down to 9 o’clock

3. Lock the Doomsday Quarter of a Clock in a box

4. Launch the box containing the Doomsday Quarter of a Clock at the sun.


This would allow life to go on. And to go on harmoniously.


Thank you


Yours in justifiable terror


Lord Cumber Humberland of Chumbawumberland (Sr)



Image credit: perchance.org edited in WIX

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