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World's first gravy shop opens in Oldham


'Gravy Status' is believed to be the first outlet in the world serving pure gravy to gravyholics.


'We are thrilled to offer our delicious, warming drinks to customers who have been dreaming of this their whole lives,' said owner, Eric Bisto. 'There is an alternate universe where there are gravy chains everywhere, because tea and coffee wasn't invented.


'But really, everyone knows deep down that gravy is superior, tastier and more satisfying. Who doesn't want to sit on a cube stool at a table not really shaped like a boat supping this fine beverage? 'Your new favourite meeting place will be your local Gafé.


'Our customers can count on our stock levels, and we offer them a very special flourish at the end. At the bottom of every bill, we give you a lovely little OXO.'


Image: WixAI

Flat earther flown into space, now claims his eyes are in on the hoax

Gary Newbold, 27, was the first flat earther sent into space, in a bid by the government to combat conspiracy theorists by exposing them to undeniable visual evidence.


The Government's plan backfired spectacularly after Gary returned to Earth adamant that the Earth was flat, and therefore his eyes must be in on the hoax. Mr Newbold said ‘I was taught to never trust your eyes. I mean - where do they go at night, have you ever thought about that?’


Gary rubbished claims that he is a conspiracy theorist, asserting, ‘I just learned to always question things from Joe Rogan, I mean why would you just believe the experts, what do they know?’


After noticing his eyes were globe shaped just like in the fake round Earth theory, Gary removed both of his eyes with a spork, declaring that the evidence irrefutably showed his eyes were inside agents.


He claims he can now see better than ever, thanks to Joe Rogan awakening his 3rd eye. Despite his 3rd eye Gary remains house bound after dismissing his guide dog, upon learning it had been trained.



Iguana's rare 'virgin birth' shocks Catholic Church

The pope has asked everyone to treat lizards with respect, in case one of those born in a Telford zoo from a virgin mother might be the second coming of Jesus.


In other religious news, The Catholic Herald is demanding the Chancellor tells the meek how much inheritance tax they will be liable for.


image created by Google Gemini


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