Met Office forecasters in line for a bank holiday bonus

'Sunshine, mediocre temperatures, high winds with associated wind chill, icy blasts, rain, hail, snow and fog all on a bank holiday weekend, and that's just Brighton,' said a Met Office union leader adding, 'and nobody predicted it.  If that isn't bonus territory, I don't know what is.  Michael Fish dined out for years on his "gale, what gale" moment years ago.  It's practically custom and practise,' he added.

A Met Office manager was less convinced.  'They didn't predict hell freezing over either, but that's the starting point in this organisation,' he pointed out.

Back Pack Solar Panels!

It might be a good idea to have personal wear-able solar panels fitted!

The cheapest ones are the dome shaped headset type, but they are best suited only to bald headed folk, and can interfere with brainwaves. The more efficient ones are the backpack type, or "over shoulder PV holder". these work better when one's back is facing south so output is diminished when facing Mecca, but a two Tier version is being developed.

The output can run several devices, such as a Pacemaker, Air pump for blow up dolls. curling tongs and rechargeable hearing aids. Any excess power can be exported back into the grid with a feed in tariff for pensioners who might need additional back up & they spend a lot of time out in the open during protests anyway.

A Nationwide network of pylons with recharging connections is being forced through the local court circuits, but these will only operate in the Chaos-with-Ed-Milliband frequency range (100 handstrokes per minute).

People are already being Charged by those in Power and a Series of test cases have have resulted in both negative outcomes for those resistors and positive capacity for future connected cases to be considered in Parallel.

But Tensions are running High and there a growing potential for protests to be galvanised into opposition and plug into an underground movement.

Image: WixAI

Compensation for spurious compensation claims

A man was today encouraged to claim compensation for having once been lured into making a spurious compensation claim.

Colin Sawdust of Oswestry bought his Toyota Yaris using a finance provider suggested by the car dealer.

'To be honest, I was perfectly happy with the service. The interest rate was reasonable, and didn’t suddenly go up after a year like they sometimes do.

'Then one day I saw an online ad mentioning the name of the finance company, saying I was in some way a victim and deserved compensation which could run into thousands. Enough to buy the latest model Yaris, in fact.'

Thus began a frustrating process of filling in forms and digging out old paperwork and bank statements, lasting several months, until it turned out the company hadn’t done anything wrong so he didn’t get a penny.

'It left me feeling annoyed at the pointless waste of my time,' said Sawdust. 'So naturally I was intrigued by this ad suggesting I deserve compensation for this. Now I just have to track down the original agreement I signed, and… bloody hell, I’ve done it again, haven’t I?'

Meanwhile a number of finance companies complained about the amount of their time wasted by greedy lawyers preying on the gullible, prompting one of the lawyers to offer to get them compensation on a no-win, no-fee basis.

Image: Mohamed_hassan - Pixabay