Musk sues Mars, red planet set to counter sue

Elon Musk – proof that $200bn cannot buy you a decent conscience or beard – is suing the planet Mars for failing to advertise on Twitter. Twitter is now called X, because the politically neutral, yet openly Trump supporting Musk has the mentality of a spoiled 12 year old.

The red planet has hit back, counter-suing Musk and drafting anti-immigration legislation at Musk’s rockets.

A lawyer for Mars, Zuflaxizog, said 'Why should we advertise on his bin fire of a social network. Doesn’t he have enough money from those apartheid emeralds? We know Musk likes to work but not to rest or play - or pay tax. We don’t want his sort round here. Earth is not sending us their best people.'

'Remember that Tesla he fired into space? We've given it a ticket.'

Image: Pixabay/WikiImages

Prince William denies being nepo baby

Prince William has given an interview to Hello! magazine in which he denies that being the son of King Charles played any part in his achieving his current position.

”Yeah, OK, so the King’s my dad,” said the disgruntled royal slaphead. “Which is more than certain ginger tosspots can say, but let’s not get into all that.

”But I do wish people wouldn’t just focus on that, as if I just waltzed into the job of heir to the throne without having to make an effort. If anything, I have to work twice as hard as everyone else, just to prove myself.

”I even tried going by a different name, William Wales when my dad’s name’s Windsor, so people wouldn’t realise. That’s how determined I was to make it on my own merit. It’s not my fault if people looked at photos of me, which have been constantly in the press since the day I was born, and realised who I was.”

One of the prince’s aides then concluded the interview, as it was time for his valet to shave and redress him for an evening engagement.

”Not idea what it is. Some sort of banquet, probly - they’ll tell me on the way. Hope it’s not more of those ‘commonwealth’ johnnies - I always think of the impressions grandpapa used to do of them, and it’s so hard not to laugh.”

image form pixabay

British rail network sabotaged for last 30 years

'Call that sabotage?' said the Fat Controller of milking profits from the beleaguered British train user. 'If French trains can be back up and running over the busiest weekend of the year, that's nothing. To do the job properly, you have to do it from the inside. Preferably from the top while making millions for yourself and shareholder pals.

'The sustained reckless ideology of keeping a natural monopoly privatised while fabricating a faux model of competitive market forces. That's what the saboteurs in France should have done. The key to it is 30 years of spending the bare minimum on the railways, balanced beautifully with charging passengers as much as you can get away with. Then you pretend to do engineering works every other Sunday, while carefully ensuring nothing is upgraded. If you reach an endpoint where a replacement bus service is normalised, then you've properly run services into the ground and hit the jackpot.

'The only investment we ever made in UK train travel was paying my mate's private consultancy to come up with ridiculous excuses for why there were so many delays and cancellations. Even the fines for those delays are picked up by the British taxpayer, so in a way it's still publicly funded without actually being owned by the public. Ironically, an organisation backed by the French government profits from our rail network as well.

'Now f**k off while I talk to my luxury yacht dealer.'

Meanwhile, in France, where most trains completed high speed journeys on time at a fair price, the Far-Right blamed the Far-Left for the sabotage. French mimes blamed Russia. Israel blamed Iran, cats blamed dogs, Piers Morgan blamed Meghan Markle, and everyone else blamed Angela Rayner.

image from pixabay