Associated Press asked 'why no photo kill notice on all images of Piers Morgan?'

Millions of people around the planet are somewhat dumbfounded by the media's choices of which snaps have something so heinously wrong with them that they need to be retracted, when others are apparently perfectly fine. Of all the photos in the world, a kill notice on one of a mother with her children? Really?

What about every single image of 'innocent' presidential candidate Donald Trump?

Those pics of Vladimir Putin, winner of a 'free and fair' Russian election?

And there's a chap in Downing Street claiming to be Prime Minister when only a handful of chums voted him in.

'Right, Honorable' Member of Parliament, Chris Pincher, when there was a lot more touching up going on?

And what about Member of European Parliament Nigel Farage standing in front of a clearly doctored massive image of 'millions of people queuing to enter the UK' right before Brexit? That one was OK was it?

But if you ever come into possession of a photo of a £37 billion world-beating track and trace system, do let the Brits know.

Photo by Filip Mishevski on Unsplash

Supermarket redesigns stores to help hungrier shoppers

A well known supermarket chain is re-designing its stores to help hungrier shoppers, with help from experts at the hip-and-trendy design consultancy XL-NN.

An excitable creative from XL-NN (it’s pronounced ‘excellence’, apparently), said that there are many small things that can make a big difference for the hungrier shopper. These include wider parking spaces, bigger doorways, more robust trolleys, and stronger floors.

The problem is that hungrier shoppers, due to sub-optimal choices about diet and exercise, are not fit enough to get round a big store any more. For example, despite the obvious attractions of the pizza counter, hungrier shoppers are less likely to visit it if it’s at the back of the store. Lethargic shoppers are switching to smaller stores and larger shops are losing valuable trade.

Supermarkets see hungrier shoppers as a key customer group because food shopping is their main leisure activity.  Hungrier shoppers shop more often, are big spenders, and are a large and expanding customer group. So supermarkets are spending heavily to keep their custom and provide them with a wide range of suitable goods.

Store re-design is an essential part of this – and it’s a game changer. Until now, the strategy has been to make shoppers walk as far as possible. This meant that bread was nowhere near butter, cheese was a long way from crackers, cereals far removed from milk, and so on. The new design puts related foods right next to each other. Another change is to put staple foods at the front of the store, so that crisps, pies, doughnuts, beer, fizzy drinks, battered foods, pastries, ready meals, and chips are easy to find. Products for less hungry shoppers – quinoa, vegan cheese, yuzu, kefir, kombucha and low calorie foods – are now at the back of the store.

A spokesman for the supermarket chain said, ‘We are confident that our investments to satisfy hungrier shoppers will feed through to the bottom line, in a big way.’

image from pixabay

Magic Money Tree found in Cayman Islands

After searching high and low, for all of two minutes, Labour and Conservative MPs agreed there was no money to help the poor. Yet a cursory inspection of their expenses claims, would suggest that the Magic Money tree is alive and well, and forming a forest the size of Wales.

Said one tax inspector: 'If you want to find a tree, you should start with people who own a 50 acre garden. Very few trees in a council tenement building. Very little Magic there either. Not unless you count the mushrooms. In reality, Magic Trees are much more likely to be discovered in Magic Offshore Accounts, alongside Magic Tax Avoidance and Magic Photos of Jeffery Epstein.'

Asked about the huge pile of money, shaped like a tree, sitting in his own bank account, a spokesman for Keir Starmer said: 'Oh, that tree? I never noticed it before. That's not a tree, it's a very large shrub. Easy mistake to make. And those big wads of cash? Those are donations to ensure we won't introduce a rich tax. So technically not money, more of a bribe. Magic, huh?'

image from pixabay