‘We could run out of make-up within days,’ warn Dubai influencers Influencers across Dubai have warned that make-up supplies and beauty product are running low and could run out within days unless the Government acts now to replenish their dwindling stocks. You Tube influencer Gemma from South London said the Government must step in to make sure beauty products and top brand merchandise can reach those that need it most. ‘This war could not have come at a worse time’ said Gem

Steve Sawgrass, a 55 year-old YouTube senior manager has sadly passed-away after company policies prevented, and some have claimed, accelerated his demise. 'Steve suffered a minor heart tremor yesterday evening,' said his fifth-wife Sarah, 'and we turned immediately to the YouTube app on how best to help him. Unfortunately a two minute ad on the benefits of life insurance, followed by an ad on no-risk off-plan property investments in Dubai further impacted his health' 'The fi

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"I regret to say that HMS Puff the Magic Dragon is not yet ready to sail to the Eastern Mediterranean,' Sir Keir Starmer told the nation in a prime ministerial broadcast, 'preferring to live by the sea in a land called Honah Lee - otherwise known as Portsmouth. 'So instead, we will be sending to the war zone a set of very strict rules and regulations. 'In the event of the Islamic Revolution Guard Corps launching missiles on RAF Akrotiri in Cyprus or the Mall of the Emirates i

Your next door neighbour has confirmed his plans to mow his lawn much more often than you, and to generally take much better care then you of his plants, flowers and shrubs over the coming year, you lazy sod. Terry, 68 (retired), marked the start of March with a ceremonial first cut of his lawn, although he’s been doing lots of jobs in the garden over the winter months too, you know, getting things ready for the Spring, composting, weeding, mulching because you’ve got to keep

Many European commentators have declared themselves surprised and taken aback when a complete and utter bastard started shooting missiles at nearby buildings. "We always knew Putin was a total slime tosser, but we thought he'd just be one in Syria or some republic we've never heard of, not somewhere they drive the same cars we do," said one. "Yes, he covered half of Salisbury in nerve jelly, but we also figured him for a decent sort who would leave people alone to enjoy their

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The UK Prime Minister, wearing some clip-on sunglasses fixed over his spectacles, read out a carefully crafted dis. “'n response to The Notorious DJTs recent comments about us not helping them with an illegal war, I will quote what he said recently about our troops in Afghanistan, we’d only just end up staying a little back, a little off the front lines, so why should we bother? Remember, we’re not dealing with a Roosevelt here.' He carefully placed the mic on the floor and s

'I chose to bomb Iran, rather than anywhere else on the planet, since its name strikes a real chord with me,' Trump told the drone fleet in the White House press corps. 'That's because I ran away from military service in Vietnam, and I ran away from my creditors in Atlantic City. 'Also, I ran away from the Epstein investigation by gratuitously starting this war. 'The next place I'll be bombing is Havana. 'That's because I've been Havana great time throwing my weight about as

The London Mayor's Office has announced forthcoming legislation that will see all motorists in centre of the capital having to observe a strict 0 mph speed limit from January 1st 2027. A spokesperson told reporters: 'We have seen fine revenues dropping significantly as more motorists have become used to adhering to the 20 mph limit. There was some call to reduce that to 10 mph but in the end we decided to go the whole hog. 'So from next year anyone found driving any motor veh

Optometrists Union spokeswoman Julie Piglet said '‘Our demands are very simple – we’re not looking for a pay rise at all. I mean, if they offer us one, we’ll have it – of course we will. But that’s not what this is about. 'For decades – centuries even – opticians have had to wear glasses as part of our schtick. Most of us had perfect eyesight until we became opticians. So our proposal is simple. It’s a like-for-like campaign. We demand, that all dentists must have false teeth

A four-star General explained: 'We are very mindful of using inclusive language and avoiding harmful labelling. In no way do we want undermine or devalue an individual on the basis of physical impairment, but we can all agree the British are f$*king mental.' The backwards manner in which the UK follows America into one illegal war after another, is a clear sign that the lights on but no one is home. Sending British troops to their death just to get a tickle under the chin by