top of page
Search

Adrian Chiles revealed to be front for AI engine



In a shock exclusive today, The Guardian newspaper revealed that they have been working at the limits of human-similar AI engineering for several years. A regular column in the newspaper, written by the Large Language Model and published under the codename of Adrian Chiles, has been churning out 350 words a week of grammatically correct but mindless ramblings on random topics. These have included 'why can you never get a key in a lock first time?', 'which universe do the lone socks that I find in my washing machine come from?' and 'will West Bromwich Albion ever win the Premier League, and why not?'


As well as producing the weekly writings, the Adrian Chiles engine was asked to generate a visible persona for itself. ' 'We'd like a photo-realistic image of a stunningly fit, handsome young man with intelligent, kindly eyes and small grin, as if suppressing delight in revealing a new Shakespearian sonnet to the world', was the prompt we gave', said The Guardian spokesman. 'Unfortunately, the graphics capability is exactly on a par with the text proficiency.'


Image: Newsbiscuit Archive

Adrian Chiles column about tight jar lid leaked



In a profound embarrassment for the Guardian newspaper, a forthcoming column by Adrian Chiles about having trouble getting a tight lid off a jar has been leaked in advance. “I felt like a cheese and pickle sandwich, as you do,” runs the leaked column. “And at first I couldn’t find the pickle anywhere. I thought to myself, surely we haven’t run out? I thought we had loads left!


“But then I finally found it - the missus had put it in the fridge, even though I’ve told her a million times there’s no need. Tsk, women eh? But then, just as I thought my problems were over, I couldn’t get the lid off! Honestly, it never rains but it pours, eh? I tried gripping it using a tea towel, but even that didn’t help. And the funny thing is, I saw one of those gadgets for getting the lids off jars in Sainsbury’s the other day, and I didn’t buy it. I wish I had now!”


Chiles’ regular columns for the Guardian have often been described as odd bedfellows for that newspaper’s usual fare of furious invective and withering sarcasm on political subjects, but the paper’s editor defended them as “a gentle look at the lighter side of life, the kind of thing we all need to read sometimes after a difficult day, and definitely not just published because he’s my husband.”


The Scott Trust, owners of the newspaper, said it was highly embarrassing his article had been leaked in advance, though frankly no more so than the ones published at the right time.





bottom of page