Whatever you do, don't ever get old

Cliff says he might be dead this time next year

In an astounding revelation, singer Sir Cliff Richard has revealed he's feeling his age (84) and might be dead this time next year.  Like many 84-year-olds.  Also like, admittedly fewer, 64-year-olds with the statistical odds increasing year-on-year until you reach 84.  Then, those that wake up alive on their 85th birthday have to admit there is a reduced probability they will survive to age 86.  But it is true Sir Cliff may wake up dead one day in the next twelve months.

Growing older is admittedly shit, but there are worse things in life.  Like a Cliff Richard concert or, God forbid, a new album.

Picture credit: Wix AI

Gen X-er inadvertently turns 50

West Midland Gen X-er Daniel Seventies* woke up last Wednesday to find he was actually 50 years old, and that time is linear.

'I never thought it would happen to me,' he said, as a tear rolled down his cheek, 'I mean just 10 years ago it was 1985, and I was 11, eating Opal Fruits and writing to ask Jim to fix it for me.'

Born half a century ago, when the vinyl renaissance was just a naissance, Martin grew up blissfully unaware of climate change, inclusivity, and the physical passage of time beyond 1995, for which he blames his parents and the persistent nostalgia in the mass media.

Asked for comment, Martin's mother, Pamela* said, 'He's not 50 - he can't be, because that would mean I'm...'

Pamela fainted and was kept overnight in hospital for observation. She will recuperate on the Isle of Wight, where time is always 30 years behind.

*Names have been changed to protect sources from age-related memes/sympathy.

Image: WixAI

Author: lucienne