West Midland Gen X-er Daniel Seventies* woke up last Wednesday to find he was actually 50 years old, and that time is linear.
'I never thought it would happen to me,' he said, as a tear rolled down his cheek, 'I mean just 10 years ago it was 1985, and I was 11, eating Opal Fruits and writing to ask Jim to fix it for me.'
Born half a century ago, when the vinyl renaissance was just a naissance, Martin grew up blissfully unaware of climate change, inclusivity, and the physical passage of time beyond 1995, for which he blames his parents and the persistent nostalgia in the mass media.
Asked for comment, Martin's mother, Pamela* said, 'He's not 50 - he can't be, because that would mean I'm...'
Pamela fainted and was kept overnight in hospital for observation. She will recuperate on the Isle of Wight, where time is always 30 years behind.
*Names have been changed to protect sources from age-related memes/sympathy.
Image: WixAI
Author: lucienne