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Following the news that BBC bosses were aware of allegations against Radio 2 DJ Scott Mills long before they acted, the BBC has issued a statement promising they will “panic much sooner” next time.


Mills’ case follows those of Huw Edwards, Gregg Wallace, Rolf Harris, Jimmy Savile and pretty much any presenter you see on Top of the Pops 2.


In future, the BBC says it will throw the individual concerned under the bus the moment they hear the flimsiest allegation against them, without waiting for any further details, let alone evidence.


However Jim Davies, who worked at Broadcasting House for 20 years until being fired this morning, suggests they have perhaps gone too far the other way.


”All I did was forget to pay my gas bill until they sent a reminder,” said the bemused electrician. “It wasn’t even a final demand. But the Beeb said in the light of recent events, they ‘just couldn’t take any chances’.


”Mind you, it’s a relief in a way. I thought for a minute they’d found out I’ve been hanging around outside primary schools wearing nothing but a raincoat.”


image from pixabay

It has been revealed that the Epstein client list never existed. Jimmy Saville was a harmless DJ. And Prince Andrew just likes paying random ladies £12m. This does mean Ghislaine Maxwell has spent more time in jail for a crime she didn't commit than the A-Team.


Her defence lawyer explained: 'If no clients existed, then all Miss Maxwell is guilty of is giving a bunch of teenage girls a lovely holiday on an empty island. It's like a jolly Duke of Edinburgh award - without the other Duke.'


The public are gutted that all their conspiracy theories have disappeared - along with all the witnesses. Said one CIA operative: 'You think you were duped? Imagine how silly we feel after killing Jeffrey Epstein!'



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