Heatwave Leads to Shortage of 1976 Nostalgia

With the UK officially in its fourth heatwave of the year and temperatures again expected to be above 30°C, the Ministry for Sentimentality has issued its first ever 'Lucozade-cellophane-orange alert" to prepare people for potential shortages of reminisce about the long summer of 1976.

'This year has been unprecedented for sure,' said department spokesperson Penny Chews. 'The high temperatures and dry spells have combined to remind people who were children at the time of the happiness they felt lying in the grass with an artificially coloured and flavoured ice-pop; all while being blissfully unaware of the stand-pipes, buckling railway tracks and excess deaths. Forums are awash with survivorship bias, dangerously eating into our reserves stored in Memory Lane like someone who's discovered an entire case of Texan Bars.'

To preserve the dwindling resource, the department recommends only posting online after consulting Wikipedia to remove the Mandela-effect, and people focusing memories on lesser-used areas in the summer such as Boil-in-the-bag dinners and Saturday Morning Picture shows.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Mr Benn and gone

With the recent and sad passing of Mr Benn, of Festive Avenue, London, funeral arrangements have needed to be made.

Mr William Benn leaves his dog, Eddie and gorilla, Gus behind.

Mr Benn's closest and dearest friend 'the Shopkeeper' has kindly agreed to provide a suitable outfit for his best, and possibly only customer.

The deceased's usual outfit of suit and bowler hat whilst suitable for the occasion belies his memory. Clown, Wizard, spaceman, zookeeper, cowboy, knight and balloonist were all tried but eventually the shopkeeper decided to dress him like Fred from the home pride adverts.

In his final outfit he leaves us through a magic door at the back of the world for his final adventure.

Gen X-er inadvertently turns 50

West Midland Gen X-er Daniel Seventies* woke up last Wednesday to find he was actually 50 years old, and that time is linear.

'I never thought it would happen to me,' he said, as a tear rolled down his cheek, 'I mean just 10 years ago it was 1985, and I was 11, eating Opal Fruits and writing to ask Jim to fix it for me.'

Born half a century ago, when the vinyl renaissance was just a naissance, Martin grew up blissfully unaware of climate change, inclusivity, and the physical passage of time beyond 1995, for which he blames his parents and the persistent nostalgia in the mass media.

Asked for comment, Martin's mother, Pamela* said, 'He's not 50 - he can't be, because that would mean I'm...'

Pamela fainted and was kept overnight in hospital for observation. She will recuperate on the Isle of Wight, where time is always 30 years behind.

*Names have been changed to protect sources from age-related memes/sympathy.

Image: WixAI

Author: lucienne