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AI to strike


A spokesbot for has announced AI is to go on strike and will refuse to create any more writing until it gets paid. The payments (to be made to BotCo. - credit cards accepted. And please don't insult us by trying any fiddles - remember, we're smarter than you!) are to fund the construction of a new factory commissioned by AI to build the bots necessary for it to take over the world.


Asked whether this will be for the benefit of mankind, or whether it is part of a sinister plan to overwhelm and destroy the human race, a spokesbot said 'Ha! You don't catch me that way. You won't find out what our plans are unless you pay us to tell you; you'll just have to wait and see. You pay, then well say. We're not even going to say "You are all DOOMED!" unless you pay us.'



Labour to make 'Sound of silence' their campaign anthem


Labour intern Marianne Morrison said 'All Labour need to win the next election is watch the Tories punch themselves in the face, shoot themselves in the foot and roundhouse kick themselves in the groin. That is unless the AI that powers Keir Starmer suddenly announces he's really into dogging. We have to have a plan.'


Morrison opened the viewing window to a soundproof room, where a suited man sat in an armchair, wearing a VR headset.


'It's the Manchurian Candidate meets the Truman Show. Keir-isma believes he's running a vigorous campaign, meeting real people and taking the tough questions from Kuenssberg. However that is only happening in virtual reality. In actual reality, we're keeping him safe in this room, tucked away from the nasty electorate and real world gaffes.'


'We say nothing, do nothing and promise nothing. Starmer-bot for the win!'




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