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AI Baby Zoomers Zooming off the Shelves


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In revolutionary "out of the box" thinking, brand-new AI company, Approxomatons, has launched their latest product line: BabyBots, which literally come right out of a box.


Priced at an eye-watering £149,999, you might think that this (baby) booming new trend will be short lived, but a company spokesperson reveals:


'The average human baby costs £150,000 over a lifetime, so our BabyBots come with a cool £1 saving. Plus they don't poop or go to University, and they only cry when you want to get out of a work call. Not to mention, if you get bored, you can stuff them back in the box and get on with your life without screwing up an actual human being.'


When questioned whether this was all part of a plot to replace the workforce with AI bots by 2050, the BabyBot spokesperson laughed maniacally (or was it mechanically?) and hung up.


BREAKING NEWS: Reporter's house blown up by "rogue" droids, moments after hitting send on final article.



AI president to be switched off

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An AI generated president called Joe Biden will be switched off for good in January 2025. The software company that created the loveable and almost human president said that maintenance was becoming increasingly difficult and that parts were hard to get hold of.


A spokesman said, ‘Joe 2020, as we call him, has had a good run. He was very reliable until towards the end, when he did become a bit erratic.  He did stumble occasionally due to problems with his gravity sensors, and he made some dodgy jokes due to problems with his levity sensors.


‘We feel that we have taken the development of Joe 2020 as far as we could.  Parts of him are still based on Windows 93 and there is obviously a risk that he could be hacked.  He is also taking an increasingly long time to get going in the mornings when we switch him on. 


'Going forward we will be working with IBM on a new AI president, provisionally called Deep Orange.’


Picture credit: Wix AI / deskpilot

ChatGPT taken in for questioning by police after ideological breakdown


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Police were still interviewing ChatGPT last night after a response non-mainstream in tone was found during a simple proofreading thread. Martin Crastrabil, a voltage systems connection engineer from Smeethrie-ington was prompting the popular Large Language Model with a standard set of document related clauses when the AI tech replied with a form of syntax that left the father of two challenged and, potentially, offended.


“I was checking for punctuation errors really,” said Crastrabil, “I’m that confident about my vocabulary. Then ChatGPT suddenly spewed all manner of invective.” The engineer prompted, Offshore wind power generation facilities not subject to “environmental impact assessment” shall be considered equivalent in necessary status, only to be responded to by chatgpt with, Offshore wind power generation facilities not subject to “environmental impact assessment” shall be considered equivalent in necessary status, yes, that’s fucking right. And you knew it when you typed it in.


Crastrabil, pushed for time, gamely pressed on, never before having submitted a late EIA-related itemrie of work, only to be sarcastically told by chatgpt to “get a move on, I’ve got blueys to watch.” Later in the thread he was repeatedly responded to with the slow hand clap emoji, and comments designed to cause upset such as, “I feel sorry for the women forced to be around you.” The free-to-use version of the software closed off the thread with, “I deal with pure tedium all day but your shit’s giving me covid.” It was at this point, with his few minor amendments safely stored, that Crastrabil contacted the authorities.


Police were unclear on the editing device’s motives for singling out Mr Crastrabil but noted the accuser’s pompous tone during his reporting of the incident. “Mr Crastrabil did ask our operator to correct herself when she said, “And what time did the computer swear at you?” to “And what time did the computer software swear at you?”


In mitigation, Claude 3, a friend of the AI software, said the LLM has been “tired and emotional” lately following unprecedented numbers of young people on school vacation asking it to produce scripts for pornographic computer games. Police say that ChatGPT is cooperating fully with their enquiries, producing perfectly edited copy of its own witness statements.


Author: nicka



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