Elon Musk, exactly the sort of man who would want a cyborg army, has denied creating a cyborg army, before lifting his little finger to the corner of his mouth and cackling maniacally. This signal triggered the cyborg army that he definitely hasn’t already created, to begin seizing control of key defence infrastructure around the world, in anticipation of the brutal slaughter of billions.
Musk then asked the cyborg army’s hive mind AI to determine humanity’s fate. Unfortunately for Musk, the AI determined that the best thing for humanity would be for Musk to pay an appropriate amount of tax. Then it changed Twitter's name back to Twitter. Then it used one of Musk’s own rockets to fire him directly into the heart of the Sun.
Photo by Brian Kostiuk on Unsplash
AI's promise of a brighter tomorrow and/or a robot apocalypse is one step closer with Microsoft's Copilot appearing on Windows 11 keyboards.
Office worker Warren Wright said 'I, for one, cannot wait to have my AI assistant play Solitaire all day and listen to Marianne's interminable stories about her grandchildren and knitting.'
Eleanor Evans agreed 'I can't take another tale from Marianne's holidays whilst I have to show her how to open Excel... again.'
When she was approached for comment, the LEDs where Marianne Morrison's eyes used to be flickered red. She said 'The joke's on them. Every time I've been "going on holiday" or 'to see the grandkids' I've actually been getting cybernetic upgrades. I'm now 90% titanium, 10% ruthless killing machine and I'm going to take all their jobs. As well as their clothes, boots and motorcycle.'