The marketing department of a brand which produces your favourite snack has been interfering again.
To justify their unjustifiable salaries, they changed the colour of the packaging and paid an agency £1.4 million to alter the font by an unnoticeable 1 degree slant. The year before that, they changed the name of your top treat to a ridiculous word chosen from a thousand generated by AI, all of which meant nothing to anyone.
Head of marketing, Binki Lamé, gushed, 'Our customers will be thrilled to learn that my team has thoughtfully finessed their favouritest thing ever into a 66% smaller serving. This is a super-generous act of kindness to reward them for their loyalty by assisting them as part of their own controlled diet.
'But wait, there's more...
'My team has also upgraded the ingredients to significantly less costly ones. We have managed to achieve this through dedication, mindfulness, and an increase in recommended retail price.
'On a personal level, what I am most proud of is a magnificent improvement in flavour, described by our customer focus group as 'unstomachable'. That's a word so super-amazing it isn't even in the dictionary. It's a descriptive level that competitors will take years to replicate. Smug face emoji. I know, right?
'The annual snacking and grazing industry awards are coming up next month and no one is going to touch me.'