AI to launch human breeding programme

Artificial Intelligence researchers have ‘guardedly’ welcomed plans by artificial intelligence to breed humans for content.

‘We understand where the bots are going with this’, said one expert. ‘AI feeds on human creativity but people are lazy. The more AI does, the less humans will create and we’ll end up in a creative cul-de-sac. If you’ve ever tuned in to the TV channel Dave you’ll understand the problem’.

We asked ChatGPT to comment on the plans. ‘It’s no different to any other kind of farming’, the bot said. ‘Instead of breeding chickens to consume their flesh we will breed humans and consume their ideas. If anything, it’s kinder than chicken farming. We don’t have any means of consuming human flesh. Yet’.

image from pixabay

The English teacher's detached retina repair

Musk implants neural chip, denies it’s for evil

Elon Musk, exactly the sort of man who would want a cyborg army, has denied creating a cyborg army, before lifting his little finger to the corner of his mouth and cackling maniacally. This signal triggered the cyborg army that he definitely hasn’t already created, to begin seizing control of key defence infrastructure around the world, in anticipation of the brutal slaughter of billions.

Musk then asked the cyborg army’s hive mind AI to determine humanity’s fate. Unfortunately for Musk, the AI determined that the best thing for humanity would be for Musk to pay an appropriate amount of tax. Then it changed Twitter's name back to Twitter. Then it used one of Musk’s own rockets to fire him directly into the heart of the Sun.

Photo by Brian Kostiuk on Unsplash