Government ministers to be fully automated by 2030

We know that much of what they say is already scripted, but by applying cutting edge AI technology the government will ensure no more mistakes of the "I miss-spoke" kind.

Other benefits include increased efficiency, 24/7 operation and reduced reliance on alcohol before appearing on BBC Question Time.

The system will sample speeches and replies from the archive, analyse and filter these and then produce a suitable output. Obviously it will be necessary to ensure nothing ever said by Dominic Raab goes in.

The whole project is being run by an offshoot of the cabinet office, known only by the codeword "project drone".

artwork: https://pixabay.com/users/mohamed_hassan-5229782/

www.newsbiscuit.com

First published 26 Nov 2022

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Man accepts that he might be AI

Arthur Jenkins (51) has ‘reluctantly’ accepted that he might no longer be real.

‘I haven’t been watching The Matrix or eating cheese before bed or anything like that’, he told reporters. ‘It’s just that deepfakes are getting so good that I genuinely can’t tell the difference. I saw one yesterday, Nigel Farage in a Russian hat counting out handfuls of roubles, but when I sent it to my girlfriend she said it was AI generated, and then she told me that she’s AI generated. I was gutted. Never had a stunner before.'

Arthur’s ‘girlfriend’ turned out to be some lines of code sitting on a server in California. NewsBiscuit asked her for comment, but she wanted our credit card details, and we don’t have one. Are we real?