Two enterprising brothers have embarked on a mission to create Father’s Day cards for Dads who don’t quite fit the Hallmark mould.
The journey began when Alfie (23) and Jacob (24) were purchasing Father's Day cards and noticed a disproportionate amount of options for the beer-drinking, golf-playing and D.I.Ying dads.
‘Everyone has a unique relationship with their father,’ Alfie tells us. ‘And for us, distilling that relationship down to alcohol and toolkits feels disingenuous.’
‘The cards on the market spoke to one or two kinds of fatherhood,’ Jacob explains. ‘They ranged from saccharine: “you’re the best Daddy in the world!” to insulting: “you’re a grumpy old shit and you smell of farts.” Neither of those felt right to give to our Dad; surely the truth is somewhere in the middle?’
Since then, the brothers have introduced their greeting card start up. Their bestsellers include: “You Are Cerebral And Secretive About Your Childhood”, “You Rarely Say I Love You But You Show It By Helping With My Student Loans", and "You Had A Complicated Relationship With Your Own Father And This Has Reflected Greatly On Your Parenting Style, But It’s Obvious That You’re Trying To Break the Cycle”.
‘While less pithy, we feel that these slogans really represent what it’s like to have a dad,’ Jacob says. The resourceful pair are planning to break into the Mothers’ Day market, aiming their products at mothers who don’t care for watercolour flowers and teddy bears holding balloons.
Acronyms help detect issues and enhance responsiveness; as in F.A.S.T. for stroke diagnosis. But what if your mate is about to throw up in the pub? Remember: B.A.B.Y.
B is for Back
Once you hear the, ‘Oooh, I feel a bit dodgy’ distress signal, check for signs of facial pastiness and spontaneous salivation. Your mate might have been lame and sneakily ordered a lager top, so It could just be fizzy pop wind. Patting his back as though a child needing burping will determine the outcome very quickly.
A is for Aim
If slapping the back didn’t generate a comical foghorn belch, then It’s definitely puke. Point your mate away from your pint and new trainers, and preferably towards something that won’t cost £200 to restore. If he’s still upright, he can run. Sprint towards the pub door, a corridor of empathy will magically open up allowing a swift exit.
B is for Bucket
Quickly find a receptacle with an interior volume greater than your mate’s thimble-sized stomach. A handbag is good, a hood is acceptable, a sink or grid is even better. At this point support statements, such as: ‘Better out than in’, ‘You’ve had a bad pint’, and ‘It’s not like you’ - even though it is, should be encouraged as an aid to self-esteem recovery. Well-wishers and bystanders having witnessed the gastro cascade may offer help, tell them thanks, but you’re fine.
Y is for Your round
Wasting good beer is a crime. As recompense the next round after emptying their ale sac, is always the thrower’s. Be mindful that your mate may be experiencing a fleeting false sense of insecurity, and may try to ‘back-door it’. A subtle reminder that it’s only 7:30pm and he doesn’t want social media to be involved, should reaffirm his commitment to the evening.
Next week:
If a fist is about to strike, remember: B.L.O.U.S.E.