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Archaeologists who discovered a bone comb among other artefacts around what had been believed to be a Roman mausoleum in London who had previously said it adds proof to the suggestion that ancient Roman remains were used to make hairdressing equipment prized by the Vestal virgins, have been embarrassed by the revelation that the supposed mausoleum site was previously owned by TilesЯus, a kitchen and bathroom supply business, established in Victorian times, but whose premises were bombed in WW2.


The painstaking work of assembling mosaics from the tile fragments was brought into question after a TilesЯus catalogue was discovered by an archaeology student in a British Library vault, displaying what the original tiles looked like when they were intact.


“It was a pure stroke of luck,” said Richie Croesus, the student. “I opted to help out with the dig so I could work on my tan, when this bird from the British Library turned up and asked if I wanted to see some etchings she had access to. We had barely started bonking in the British Library vault, when this book fell off the filing cabinet, with pictures of the very same tiles we’d been trying to assemble into a mosaic.”







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Work on the new Maglev line has been stopped two miles from the edge of the Brum Megopolis after workers discovered rails that may have been buried over one hundred years ago. Experts believe these may be the remains of the now long forgotten HS2 project.


Spokesperson, Ivor Trowel, told reporters 'we are confident in our findings. This is the classic vanity project that collapsed in on itself; much the same as the Egyptian Pyramids, the Trump Library of Culture, and the Rwandan Relocation Project.


'Myth has it that high priests thought that they would save several minutes on a line dedicated to taking the dead to the darklands of the Northern Desert. In fact they wasted whole years and ended up precisely nowhere.

'Ee, civilisations eh? Ya cuddent mek it up'.


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