top of page
Search

Do you suffer from cognitive dissonance? A guide.



Does your behaviour contradict your avowed beliefs?

Perhaps you are a PM who declares he believes in integrity but delays taking action to enforce it.

Maybe you are millionaire who became an MP "to serve the people", but are just helping out yourself and your chums. You may have been in charge of the Exchequer but were unable to monitor your own tax affairs. Are some of your actions described as "careless" rather than deliberate?


Despite all available information indicating that you have been economical with the actualité, you have the brass neck to stay in your post? Do you have no shame? Does it appear that honour and principle are concepts outside your moral compass. Welcome to the Conservative Party.



First published 28 Jan 2023


If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?

















Exhausted Boris Johnson plans short holiday in his office


An exhausted Boris Johnson is planning to spend a few days holidaying in his Downing Street office, to get some badly needed work-time and recover from the endless cycle of government parties over the past two years.


Johnson has been pictured recently, looking drawn and haggard, covered in paper streamers, slumped on a bean bag, holding a plastic cup full of red wine and a half-smoked cigarette.


A source said that the Prime Minister needs a short working break to recover from the gruelling schedule of food-fights, arse-photocopying and emergency danceathons that he has been subjected too as part of his Covid response work over the last two years.


"A few days relaxing and reading the papers in his private Downing Street office will help the Prime Minister recharge his batteries so that he can get back to the important job of putting on a pair of fake plastic tits and squirting cream all over them while shouting, "look at me boys, I'm Doris Johnson".


The source indicated that Mr. Johnson will also be taking up swimming, but what in, they didn't want to say.




First published 27 Jan 2022


If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?

















Sue Gray report labels Boris a ‘total lightweight’


Sue Gray will report that Boris Johnson is a “lightweight” who “can’t handle his drink”, a leaked extract from her highly anticipated report reveals.


“Almost the entire nation turned drink to help them get through the horrors of lockdown,” the report will say. “Many people started to find excuses to drink earlier. I mean, I was on the gin shortly after lunch most days.


“Yet if we believe Boris, he only stayed at one party for half an hour and his birthday party was only ten minutes long. He is either lying or a total lightweight.”


Further damning evidence suggests that there was even one day when there wasn’t a party at Number 10, the report adds.


One backbench MP said the findings put Boris out of step with the rest of the parliamentary Conservative Party.


“Even before the pandemic, there was a drinking culture on the backbenches,” they said. “He has really let the side down this time. I’d write a letter of no confidence but to be honest, I’m a bit too pissed at the moment.”




First published 26 Jan 2022


If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?

















bottom of page