top of page
Search

Showbiz world stunned as Ant & Dec hand back their latest NTA award


Showbiz has been left reeling following news lovable Geordies Ant and Dec have handed back their 22nd consecutive Best TV Presenter award.


Fans are said to be devastated with hashtag #AntandDecAlwaysWinBestTVPresenterAwardItsTheLaw trending all day on social media sites, while Samaritans report a massive increase in calls to its national helpline.


To add insult to injury, Ant, or it might have been Dec, we’re not sure said: ‘Thawz nie kudos left in it, bonny lad. Even we're embarrassed by having won the bloody thing every year. Well noo, leik, we just cannat be awsed nie maw. And if wor fans durn’t leik it th'ill just have to haddaway an’ shite.’


Catchphrase presenter Stephen Mulhern is understood to have now replaced the boys in the category; not for anything specific. It’s just that he somehow manages to look the dead spit of Ant and Dec rolled into one person. A move NTA big wigs hope might keep the public happy.

"Zadok the Priest" in line for Ivor Novello award



George Frideric Handel could win a prestigious songwriting award, a mere 296 years after the song was released.


The composer’s “Zadok the Priest”, written in 1727 for George IV’s coronation, has experienced a major resurgence in popularity, in the run up to Charles III’s coronation. It's now been shortlisted in the "most performed song" category at the Ivor Novello Awards, which celebrate outstanding writing and composition.


Government Minister for Antediluvian Nostalgia, Jacob Rees-Mogg, said, “I am delighted with such a choice which celebrates both British ingenuity and mercantile success”. However, this statement was later withdrawn when it was pointed out that Handel was a German immigrant and that the lyrics mentioned “Nathan the Prophet”, not “Profit”.


Attempts to contact Mr Handel’s ghost have been hampered by a shortage of Ouija boards, which have been commandeered by Government for the next round of the budget cycle.



bottom of page