Updated: Sep 14, 2021
Concerns have been raised that Astronauts may have been sneakily eating evidence of life from other planets, specifically turning ET into a bacon butty. The International Space Station (ISS) has claimed smoke detectors were set off by faulty batteries but were unable to explain the smell of crispy bacon and the discarded alien clothing.
Rumours exist that First Contact with an alien race was disrupted, when the ISS crew discovered that this new race shared 99% of their DNA with pigs. Commented one astronaut: ‘They came in peace but they were so goddamn tasty!’
Being stuck on a space station with months of powdered food creates a certain hunger, a hunger that soon took over, when the inhabitants of Porcus V raised their trotters in friendship. Explained another astronaut, wiping ketchup from his chin: ‘They were saying something about discovery and knowledge but all I heard was the sound of sizzling’.