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Hot air balloon rides across the USA: free missile with every flight

Take off and glide through the American countryside in a majestic hot air balloon as the sun rises over rolling hills, military installations and landscapes of outstanding natural beauty.



Enjoy the perfect 360-degree view from 2000 feet in the air from dawn – the perfect time to soak up spectacular landscapes for as far as the eye can see.


Made all the better with a glass of bubbly after landing (if you survive) and a chance to take out a fighter jet with a FREE air-to-air missile.


This trip combines the relaxation of balloon travel with the thrills promised in the American Constitution. Book now for a 10% discount on funeral fees.




First published 14 Feb 2023


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Isle of Wight condemns ‘provocative’ balloon airspace violation



Tensions remain high in the Solent region today following the detection of a balloon flying over the island.


An Isle of Wight Department of Home Defence spokesperson briefed reporters.


“Yesterday our Advanced Early Warning System – Cowes Neighbourhood Watch – reported an object subsequently identified as a balloon illegally entering our airspace. It was tracked as it travelled inland, passing over a number of sensitive garden centres and charity shops sowing panic and confusion amongst the (mostly elderly) customers.


We debated whether to shoot it down but there was concern that this might cause collateral damage when it landed. Unfortunately also none of our weapons could reach the great height at which the balloon was flying – estimated to be well in excess of 100 feet.


The issue was eventually resolved when the string underneath the balloon got tangled in the branches of a conker tree just outside Shanklin. After a lengthy health and safety risk analysis, leading fireman Barney McGrew of the Island Fire & Rescue Service volunteered to climb the tree and retrieve it.


The balloon is now under investigation in our forensic laboratory. It has a picture of an evil-looking character with a name of Ronald McDonald. We suspect this has something to do with the power struggle underway on the mainland within the People’s Republic of Hampshire. We have already made a formal complaint about this provocative action to their ambassador.”


A People’s Republic of Hampshire spokesperson responded.


“The peace-loving People’s Republic utterly denies this outrageous slur. The research balloon was accidently released by a young party member outside one of our healthy and nutritious proletariat street canteens. We shall utterly crush the capitalist lackeys, hyenas and running dogs of the illegal breakaway Isle of Wight in due course. We plan to mobilise our invincible armed forces to invade – once we have bought the ferry tickets and the railway strikes are settled."

image from pixabay



First published 6 Feb 2023


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