Man shunned by mates over Dr Who disagreement

Dave Finlay from Redditch has been ostracised by his mates after saying he doesn't think Dr Who 'is much good really'.

He made the comment last night at the pub, when his now former friends were discussing the current new series.

Big Nev explains: 'We were just saying how brilliant the show is when Dave pipes up and says he doesn't rate it at all. I nearly choked on my pint.'

However Dave remains unrepentant. 'I'm sorry, I just think it's massively over-hyped. Silly stories and piss-poor special effects. I find the whole bloody thing lame and about fifty years past its sell-by date. So If that means the lads don't want me in their group any more... then so be it.'

Meanwhile, a clearly stunned Tommo, describing himself as once having been Dave's best buddy, added: 'Everyone loves Dr Who, I mean come on, they do don't they? And anyway isn't it against the law to say anything bad about the show... it is... isn't it?'

Image: QuinBenson - Pixabay

Complete 'Pope Lying in State' DVD box set to be released next month

It has been confirmed that a complete boxset of Pope Francis's 72 hours lying in state will be released on DVD next month.

Vatican City has announced it has partnered with BBC Home Entertainment to release the 18-disc set in order to not only provide comfort to the millions of Catholics who were unable to make the trip to St Peter's Basilica, but also top hopefully help non-believers to understand the importance of this auspicious occasion.

'The box set will of course come complete with special features.' said a spokesman 'We'll have a multi-angle viewing to allow viewers to actually experience the mind-numbing boredom of standing in the queue for hours as well as a full commentary from Archbishop Besungu and Cardinal Endo. Those names alone should be enough to make the discs fly off the shelves."

This set comes just two-and-a-half years after the BBC released their highly-successful and award-winning 'Queen Elizabeth II Lying in State' set, and will also be available on Blu-Ray and 4K. A release date for the soundtrack has yet to be confirmed.

Image: Security - Pixabay

TV Licence fee to be based on the size of your TV

A review of TV licensing has concluded that the only fair way to assess what the charge should be is to base it on the physical size of televisions. The Secretary of State for Square Eyes told Newsbiscuit that it’s obvious that people with large TVs are consuming more BBC output than people who have to watch it on their smartphones; and have devised a formula whereby the standard licence fee will only apply to smartphones; and all other fees will be based on a multiple of this, depending on the comparative multiple in area the TV screen is compared to a smartphone.

A BBC technology expert said "The BBC had been hoping to make this change for many years, but had to wait until the number of Smart TVs had reached an ownership threshold that enabled the BBC to be certain which size TVs households have, because without those TVs boasting how big they are via their inbuilt BigBruv™ transmitters, the lying bastards who own them would almost certainly pretend they only had smartphones, or Sinclair MTV-1 Micro TVs."

Some viewers believe they can outwit the system by sellotaping a sheet of cardboard over the TV screen with a smartphone-sized cutout, so they can get away with paying the lowest fee, but this has yet to be tested in court.

There is good news for pensioners with smartphones in that they can apply to be exempt from the smartphone TV licence, provided they complete a 240-page online application form, access to which requires completing a test that requires a knowledge of computer coding to prove they aren’t robots.

image from pixabay

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