Reform leaders to appear separately on BBC 'for security reasons'

Just as members of the Royal Family never take the same plane, Reform’s leaders Nigel Farage and Richard Tice have been advised to appear on different BBC programmes in case a sane member of the public is inadvertently let in.

‘You never see Nigel and Richard together’, an insider told us. ‘Okay, they hate each other’s guts, but the main reason is to maintain resilience in the event of an assassination attempt, like that one where Donald absorbed a bullet through his earlobe giving him superpowers. God, I love that man’.

The BBC has agreed to have them on separate programmes until the heat death of the universe or their manifesto makes sense, whichever comes first. Fiona Bruce has been doing this for the past year, alternating one or other Reform leader, occasionally letting Lee Anderson on instead so he doesn’t feel left out.

We asked a BBC spokesman what Anderson brings. ‘Do you remember when Ross from Friends had that monkey in season 1? They had to find something for it to do in each episode, must have been a nightmare for the scriptwriters. We made the same mistake – people expect to see Lee every so often, though the monkey would have been easier to direct’.