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Lammy and Vance to get BBC travel series


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The BBC has found another two highly under qualified men to present yet another jokey blokey travel show.


Foreign Secretary David Lammy and US Vice President JD Vance will, however, avoid more fishing trips unless they are fishing for drowned refugees in the Channel.


A BBC intern reflexively began apologising 'The BBC are very sorry that - what is it this time - oh, that Nigel Farage is not a semi-permanent guest on this show. Would a third buffoon tip things into top gear?'


'Anyway, look on the bright side. If Lammy and Vance are antiquing in Leicestershire, kite surfing in Dorset or picking up conversational Mandarin at a forced labour camp in Xinjiang, at least we're keeping them away from their day jobs and thus keeping the world a little safer.'


Photo by Kyle Glenn on Unsplash

Farage to sue satnav company after failing to locate Clacton

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Nigel Farage, Prime Minister-in-Waiting, has announced a lawsuit against Trotters Independent Traders over ‘dodgy’ navigation advice.


‘Every blasted time I try to visit Clacton it sends me somewhere else’, he told reporters. In 2024 alone it sent me to Arizona, Chicago, Kuala Lumpur, Pennsylvania, New York and Washington. This year it’s dumped me in Washington (twice), Florida, France, Las Vegas and Abu Dhabi’.


Residents have mixed feelings. Geoff (67) is a registered idiot: ‘I voted for Nige and I think the sun shines out of his arse. No, really, I actually believe that. Astronomy isn’t my strongest subject’.


Cathy (26) has an IQ greater than her pulse, and is quite pleased that the leather-bound politician is staying away. ‘Given the number of Reform candidates who end up arrested or suspended, I feel safer knowing he’s thousands of miles away. Could they send him into space?’


Trotters have refused a refund on the basis that Farage somehow manages to find every TV studio within a 200 mile radius. It’s a mystery.



Farage Says Reform Will Make Wales Win Grand Slam

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During a visit to Wales, part-time gin-salesman, GB News Host, and MP Nigel Farage told supporters if Reform UK took control of the Senedd in next year's elections he would see Wales "prosper and grow" by having them once again win a Grand Slam at the Six Nations.


When challenged, he admitted this was an "ambition" and would require support from other governments; in particular those from New Zealand and South Africa. He added that while his party was against uncontrolled migration, desperate times - such as the worst performance by a Welsh team since the creation of the competition - called for desperate measures.


His political rivals said this was yet another case of his party offering empty promises to the people of Wales that were impossible to deliver, including reopening the coal mines, building a new blast furnace at Port Talbot, and getting the new James Bond song performed by Tom Jones.



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