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Daily Mail due a reboot

'

Our technicians have noticed a problem with the algorithm over the last few days,' said a Daily Mail spokesman, 'with not only a lack of fawning articles about Nigel Farage but actual scrutiny showing he is a comptempible excuse for a person,' he added.


'We'll be turning it off and on again,' he said, crossing his fingers that they hadn't laid off or deported the person who knew how to restart the bile engine.


'If all else fails we'll just republish headlines from the past. Actually, that's what we normally do,' he said, holding up a headline supporting Mosley but with Farage's name scribbled over.



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Nursery rhyme extremists mock frog faced man

Hardcore Reform supporters have reacted with outrage after woke nursery-rhyme extremists hijacked London Bridge Is Falling Down to mock Nigel Farage.


Long regarded by the Right as an authoritative account of Britain’s decline, the song has traditionally been interpreted as a warning about immigration, multiculturalism and suspiciously overcrowded rental properties.


But left-wing activists have now begun circulating an alternative version online:


Nigel Farage has no shame.

Has no shame.

Has no shame.

Nigel Farage has no shame.

No Shame Nigel.


Replace him with Count Binface.

Count Binface.

Count Binface.

Replace him with Count Binface.

No Shame Nigel.


Cheer him up with five million pounds.

Five million pounds.

Five million pounds.

Cheer him up with five million pounds.

But don’t declare it.


A Reform spokesman condemned the lyrics.


“This is completely unacceptable. They’ve deliberately written something that’s catchy, memorable and critical of our leader. That’s our thing.


“You can’t simply steal another movement’s tradition of reducing complicated political issues to something that can be shouted by toddlers in under ten seconds.


“Today it’s London Bridge. Tomorrow it’ll be Baa Baa Black Sheep. Before you know it they’ll have The Wheels on the Bus demanding proportional representation.


“If we allow this sort of thing to continue, they’ll soon have If You’re Happy and You Know It, Blame a Migrant, Humpty Dumpty Wants His Country Back, and dozens of other nursery rhymes spreading simplistic political messages. Frankly, we should have thought of them first.”


Fernandomando



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Farage incensed that he's running against a joke candidate


'Nigel wasn't surprised when Labour pulled out of the by-election,' said a Reform spokesman.


'The Tories chickening out was a no-brainer,' he said, 'because we hold the brains of the Tory party here,' said, admitting that Lee wasn't included.  Nor Suella, to be fair. 'And don't draw any conclusions about Honest Bob until after the NCA ivestigation,' he added.


'We thoroughly expected the Lib Dems to refuse to stand.  Nobody in Clacton wants to care about people, that's why they voted for Nigel.  And don't bother sending Zack around, this is hardly Brighton,' he ranted.


'But pitting a joke candidate up, that is beyond the pale,' he said, holding up a picture of Lawrence Fox.  'A bin, sure, bring it on.  Nigel will stub his cigar on him, but Fox?


'What a joke'.


image from grok


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