Harborne and Delo - Newsbiscuit will say this only once

We see what you are doing - trying to buy the likes of Nigel Farage and other yesterday people.  Well, for the last time, Newsbiscuit isn't up for sale.  Not for £1 million, £5 million and definitely not for £36 million.

And you can forget about wads of cash in plain brown paper envelopes - what do you take us for?  County

councillors?

Newsbiscuit, for hopefully the last time, isn't up for sale.  Rent, sure. A long lease with an open chequebook, probably.  But don't confuse us with the likes of Farage.  We have principles.  They might be well hidden, but that's another story. 

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Reform UK Pledges to Free Britain From Tyranny of 2+2=4

Reform UK has pledged to break the stranglehold of the mainstream mathematical establishment by launching an urgent review into whether two plus two really needs to equal four.

Party sources say the answer “four” has been imposed on Britain for generations by an increasingly out-of-touch uniparty consensus of Labour, the Conservatives, teachers, accountants, engineers and people capable of counting.

“For decades we’ve been told that if you have two things and someone gives you another two things, you have four things,” said a Reform spokesman. “But nobody ever asks ordinary British people what they think the answer should be.

Reform believes there is considerable public appetite for five.

“Five is bigger than four,” the spokesman continued. “Britain deserves bigger numbers. Illegal immigration is out of control, taxes are too high and millions of people feel ignored. In those circumstances, insisting the answer is still four shows just how little the establishment has learned.”

Asked whether there was any evidence that two plus two could equal five, the spokesman accused the reporter of “talking Britain down”.

Critics have pointed out that changing the answer to five could cause difficulties for engineering, banking and calculating change in pubs.

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Farage resigns as MP again

Nigel Farage has decided to announce his resignation as an MP, triggering another by-election.

'The establishment, police, fraud office, an ex-wife, everyone who's every worked with me have been out to get me but I've discovered that while I'm standing in a by-election, the kangaroo court comprised of other MPs can't examine my entirely innocent donation, er gift, er security payment from an overseas crypto billionaire so my plan is to spend the time up to the next general election resigning and being re-elected an MP.

'So, vote for me in October, December, February - in fact every three months for the next two years. Clever is not the word.'

www.newsbiscuit.com

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