- Scribbles
- Jul 30, 2024
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BBC News has advertised for a new guy to walk around in the background during news broadcasts.
“Viewers often assume the people they see in the background are journalists, putting together bulletins for the newsreaders to read out,” said the BBC’s Head of People, Yolanda Kumquat.
“In fact, we keep them in a windowless room deep underground in another building. Scruffy, unshaven, living on coffee and cigarettes, haven’t showered in a week… we’d probably be shut down by Public Health if anyone ever saw them.
“So we hire much smarter looking people to walk around in the background during news broadcasts.”
Asked whether it was a difficult or demanding job, Kumquat admitted it isn’t really. “You just have to put on a suit and strut about looking important, holding documents you never actually read. We often use former Director Generals, as their experience fits them perfectly.”
image from pixabay
Nigel Farage, the 21st century's Oswald Moseley, is planning his 85th run to be a Westminster MP, much to the relief of the BBC's political bookers.
'Phew' said one 'Now we can have Nige on everything, all the time, as normal. He can have his usual chair on Newsnight and Question Time. He can present Have I Got News For You and the 10 o'clock news and a maybe a few travel and quiz shows as well.'
'We were worried that we would have to book people who can string a sentence together without some xenophobic soundbites. Or worse, someone with progressive views. It's a good job there have never been any Green MPs. Ever. Not on Newsnight anyway.'
'If you think it's weird that we constantly book someone with the electoral success rate of Count Binface, but without the brains, charisma or morality, you have to remember that Farage is box office. Toxic, poisonous, racist box office, full of more effluent than the River Thames.'
'You'd want to have a pint with him, but only so that you can glass him.'
image from pixabay
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