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University Challenge superfan yet to get one correct answer



Brian Smethurst, from Bognor Regis, who has been watching University Challenge since its first episode in 1962, admitted today he has still to answer even one single question correctly. Yet this hasn't dampened his enthusiasm for the show.


He said: 'I once thought I'd actually cracked in 1981, when I said Caravaggio was an Italian motor scooter... but turned out it was an espresso machine.'


Brian's wife Delia commented: 'Bless him. He loves it and even has a tattoo of original question master, Bamber Gascoigne, on his left buttock. He's vowed to have one of Amol Rajan on the other side should he finally succeed.'


Meanwhile Brian's quest goes on, although Delia isn't holding out much hope for her hapless husband. 'I can't see him ever doing it, because so far he's spent over twenty thousand pounds entering those competitions on ITV and he's yet to get even one of those answers right.'


Newsbiscuit contributor – ‘A moment of madness'




A tearful Robowurzel announced last night that he was considering stepping back from contributing to Newsbiscuit – allegedly a top 10 (of something) in the world of satire.


He blubbed: 'In a moment of madness, okay actually about three years, I have been posting tasteless, puerile, politically, grammatically and punctuationally incorrect material that hopefully someone would find offensive. However all that resulted was a few ‘likes’, but mostly silence.


'I realise I have let myself down. But more than this I have let down my family, my friends (not that I have got many), the postman, the dog next door, Boris Johnson and others too few to mention.


'Unfortunately news of my shame has spread. The BBC has approached me to ask if I would be interested in becoming a football pundit. I pointed out that I hate the sport and know nothing about it. In response they offered to double my salary.'


Photo by dlxmedia.hu on Unsplash


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