Jeff Bezos hoping 'not to be left with a neighbour'

Amazon engineers have confirmed that the rocket Amazon founder Jeff Bezos is using to launch himself into space will be delivered back to Earth the next day - probably. 'We've confirmed that Jeff is a Prime member and is entitled to next day delivery,' said a company spokesman today.

It is intended that the spacecraft, which is launching from Cape Canaveral, will return to Cape Canaveral 'as long as the barcode on the outside is legible, the contents are undamaged, and all taxes applicable are paid,' added the spokesman. 'Only kidding about the tax part.'

In the event that Cape Canaveral isn't in, then the rocket will be delivered next door, which happens to be the Atlantic Ocean. 'If the ocean isn't in, we'll deliver there anyway and leave a card in the Cape,' added the spokesman.

Amazon workers wish Bezos an enjoyable space flight, one-way

Workers from across Amazon's global empire have been as one in wishing their multi-billionaire god, Jeff Bezos, an enjoyable flight into space, and expressed hope that he enjoys it so much he decides to stay there.

‘Take as long as you like,’ said an employee - who felt so secure in his or her job they asked us to identify them only as 'X'. ‘You've earned it. LOL!’

‘Nice that he's taking his brother with him’, added employee 'Y'. ‘I guess he was originally going to take his wife, but that ain't on the cards now, so it makes sense not to waste the ticket.’

Workers further expressed the hope that rival billionaire Elon Musk doesn't shoot him down from one of his SpaceX rockets. However, some suggested that it would be a great audience-winner for Amazon Prime if such an event were to be streamed live on the channel. Perhaps with screenings in every Amazon distribution centre. The company's warehouse workers also wished Mr Bezos well with coping for days in an airless environment without natural daylight.

Finally, delivery drivers came up with a special gift for their boss to ease his anxiety about the awkward practicalities of space travel. ‘Thanks to him, we know how essential this is,’ said delivery driver 'Z', ‘so giving him one of our very own pee bottles was the least we could do. Quite literally - he'll have to wash it himself.’