Biden makes diplomatic gaffe in Dublin pub

President Biden attempted to order a Guiness cocktail in O'shaunessy's Irish pub yesterday and may have caused a diplomatic crisis, Newsbiscuit's Dublin reporter says. Hoping to be served a Black Russian, the President is said to have inadvertently asked for a "Black Commie Bastard".

The White House claims the barman probably misheard the President and blames the band for a playing a rousing rendition of The Patriot Game which had many of the pubgoers singing along to.

Having eventually been served his drink, the President thanked the pub for its hospitality and declined an invitation to stay until the fight started.

Biden sends military aid to Gettysburg

The US president signed-off on military aid to Union soldiers in 1865, newly discovered documents have shown. He also sent cannon to Lord Nelson to help tip the balance of power at the Battle of Trafalgar. Embarrassed Whitehouse staff admitted finding the batch of classified documents in the president's fridge, alongside his car keys and slippers. His dentures are still missing.

President Biden accidentally cremated

The White House Press Secretary has admitted that Joe Biden was cremated in an "unfortunate error" this morning. After a whole week without autocue gaffes or bicycle incidents, the President was assumed to be dead.

'In hindsight, we should have sought a doctor's opinion,' admits Vice-President Harris. 'But due to the President having COVID, health and safety rules meant doctors are only allowed to stand outside the White House window and peek in at him.'

This is believed to be the biggest embarrassment for the White House since Ronald Reagan was accidentally buried alive in 1988, when he was mistaken for dead after a week-long siesta.

However, constitutional experts believe Biden can still discharge his duties, and there can be "no serious objection" to sending his ashes to represent America at the next G7 summit.

'It introduces a new level of diversity to the office", said a White House spokesman. 'Mr Biden is our first Combustion-American President.'