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President Biden accidentally cremated

The White House Press Secretary has admitted that Joe Biden was cremated in an "unfortunate error" this morning. After a whole week without autocue gaffes or bicycle incidents, the President was assumed to be dead.

'In hindsight, we should have sought a doctor's opinion,' admits Vice-President Harris. 'But due to the President having COVID, health and safety rules meant doctors are only allowed to stand outside the White House window and peek in at him.'

This is believed to be the biggest embarrassment for the White House since Ronald Reagan was accidentally buried alive in 1988, when he was mistaken for dead after a week-long siesta.

However, constitutional experts believe Biden can still discharge his duties, and there can be "no serious objection" to sending his ashes to represent America at the next G7 summit.

'It introduces a new level of diversity to the office", said a White House spokesman. 'Mr Biden is our first Combustion-American President.'

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