"If you've been bombing Gaza constantly for two years, you may experience severe withdrawal pangs from a ceasefire," Dr Hiram S. Sidewinder told members of Israel's war cabinet, following instructions from President Trump to stop the attacks.
"You may be saying to yourselves 'one more raid can't do any harm'," said the author of The Only Way to Stop Bombing. "But you must resist the temptation.
"Take your mind off the pain with constructive displacement activities, such as embezzling public funds or building illegal settlements in the West Bank."
"It's so hard!" said Israel's Minister of Collective Punishment, who wished to remain anonymous.
"You think you can handle the prospect of a permanent truce with your neighbours all right, but then you wake in the middle of the night with an almost uncontrollable age to fire up a squadron of F-16s for one last bombing run on Palestine or Syria or wherever's in reach."
"Face facts," said Sidewinder, "you've let this bombing habit become a fatal addiction and you deperately need to quit, for everyone's health."
