In a joint statement released earlier this afternoon, the virtues Decency and Credibility have confirmed they have cut all ties with the current government and are taking legal steps to ensure the split remains permanent, or until there is a change of administration.
Credibility said: 'The writing has been on the wall for some time now, and in all honesty I knew when Boris Johnson became Prime Minister I was going to be badly compromised. The man has no scruples whatsoever and will happily lie, cheat, misdirect and do whatever else he likes when it comes to furthering his own ambitions. He is the perfect definition a one-man absolute shitehouse.'
And a clearly shaken Decency told reporters: 'To think the rest of the country toed the line, on Johnson's po-faced say so, with many thousands unable to even gather to see relatives and loved ones dying alone is sickening. But what were he and his chums doing all along? Partying the night away. Fuck the whole bloody lot of them.'
It's understood that upon hearing the news of the split, Integrity also immediately disassociated itself with Johnson and his cabinet.
Meanwhile, a government spokesman said, 'Whereas it is regrettable virtues are seeing fit to take this approach, nevertheless we have had offers from Greed, Contempt and Arrogance, all of which have been doing a fine job behind the scenes in recent times. They are more than happy to step in to fill the void on a more permanent basis.
First published 15 April 2022
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