Being judged by the company we keep

Prime Minister could have survived if his trousers hadn't fallen down

While attempting to land another flimsy zinger instead of answering questions in the House of Commons last Wednesday, the Prime Minister's pantaloons collapsed. Highly respected political analysts suggested it was all part of the old BoJo the Clown routine. But a junior minister confirmed that he'd recently had a quick release mechanism installed.

A Downing Street spokesman still being paid to defend the indefensible said, 'The Prime Minister has certainly not had the Insta-Debag 3000 system installed at great taxpayer expense. And he most definitely is not an absent-minded scruffball who'd forgotten to take his belt out of the dressing up box before PMQs. He was deliberately mooning a disloyal party colleague while at the dispatch box.'

Or, as one backbencher put it, 'That's one way to crack the whip.'

image from pixabay

Boris resignation speech "eerily familiar" say ex-wives & mistresses

The surprisingly large WhatsApp group "AllMenAreBastardsButEspeciallyBoris" where ex-wives and mistresses meet to act for mutual support has been analysing Mr Johnson's resignation speech and there has been an agreement that several phrases are very familiar.

"The 'eccentric decision' bit - I've heard that before.", said Allegra Mostyn-Owen, or Mrs Johnson number 1.

"And 'we, that is to say, I, achieved great things'- he shouted that through the letter box when he found his clothes in the driveway." added Marina Wheeler (number 2).

"And him agreeing to leave then hanging round the house where he wasn't wanted, he did that to me." said Petronella Wyatt (never actually married).

The group has a waiting list.