BTS to go solo, but BS still going strong

Unlike the South Korean boy band, the concept of bull$hit is still riding high in every conceivable metric. The BS manager said: 'We'll be touring war torn Ukraine with our own brand of platitudes, and bull$hit; plus we have a double album of bull$hit coming out - called the Sue Gray report'.

BS shot to the top of the charts with their genre-defining bull$hit - called 'Brexit dividends and ten reasons why I love you'. They followed it up with the singles 'BS excuses', 'BS jobs' and 'BS refereeing decisions'.

BS said: 'We have no plans to go solo, especially as so many politicians want to collaborate with us'

Image:Pixabay/manfredrichter

'Pick a policy, any policy'

BoJo has made approximately 148 new policy announcements, one of each of the Tory MPs who think he's unfit for office. An early draft of the so-called 'benefits-to-bricks' scheme would have seen benefit claimants paid directly in bricks and then invited to build their own house.

Labour spokeswoman Jodie Johnstone said 'House prices are spiralling upwards and the Tories have made sure that benefits are spiralling downwards. You'd need to be in an Escher painting to make that work.'

Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst said 'If you throw enough shit at the wall, some of it can be used to stick together the bricks you were given. Anyway it's not as though lending vast quantities of money to people who can't afford to pay it back has ever ended in a global financial meltdown before."

Johnson spin doctors to take control over booing

The recent events that Prime Minister Boris Johnson has attended have included a cappella 'boos' from the crowd. In an attempt to connect with the 'ordinary person' the Prime Minister and his spin doctors have decided that the 'boos' are now an integral part of his persona. Consequently he has decided to bring 'trustees' along to all personal appearances and have them 'boo' if no-one else bothers.

'I have a lot of experience of 'bring your own boos' parties, said the Prime Minister today.