YouTuber accused of intentionally crashing plane headhunted for senior Government role

The Government has responded to claims that they've scouting someone for a ministerial post who intentionally crashed a plane.

'Yes, we were a little worried that he might have done it intentionally,' said a Government spokesperson, 'but as the old adage goes: think incompetence before malice, but never rule out malice...and we've adopted that as our recruitment strategy.

'If he'd crashed the plane by mistake and made oodles of money for himself after parachuting down unharmed, we'd definitely be tapping him up for a Cabinet position. If it was intentional, well, he'll still fit right in at the heart of UK Government.

'The only problem is deciding what department to put him in: the economy, the NHS, education...his talents suit all of them but where would he be perfect? Oh wait, I know...Brexit!'

Government celebrate as travel delays not caused by Brexit

"This is excellent news", enthused Jacob Rees-Mogg, "Dover's at a standstill, there are three hour queues at the airports and it's simple incompetence, nothing to do with Brexit. What's more, if Britain was still under the EU jackboot, they'd have banged on about foreigners, of all people, being held up but now there's nothing they can do."

Ron Jenkins of Clacton was planning a long weekend "sur la continent" was equally delighted.

"I've spent most of the last 4 hours reading my brand new passport, rejoicing in its blueness, or is it black? Anyway, I've read it from the first "His Britannic Majesty" to the final "made in Poland" and it made me feel proud to be British, even more than looking at the out of order passport machines."

Image: Pixabay/JOshuaWoronieki

Leading Car Makers Don't Want To Make Cars, Just Money

Three big global carmakers have called on the UK government to renegotiate the Brexit deal, saying rules on where parts are sourced from threaten the future of the British automotive industry. The EU is likely to have forgotten all about Brexit, they say, and will undoubtedly give the UK a sweet deal without any concessions involving the loss of democratic powers to Brussels.

Ford and Jaguar Land Rover have joined Stellantis, which owns the Vauxhall, Peugeot and Citroën brands, to warn the transition to electric vehicles will just not be hugely profitable for them unless the UK and EU delay stricter “rules of origin”, due to kick in next year, that could add tariffs on car exports.

The British are simply too pathetic to create an electric car industry of their own, they say, and so you need these big players, in cooperation with their friends in Brussels, if you are going to have any chance. The modest profits possible for a UK battery industry and car industry under current conditions will simply not attract the sort of modern international investment that demands eye-wateringly high, guaranteed returns.

Conservative MPs, who share a similarly dim view of the abilities of British innovators, were seen to run around like big chickens terrified of negative press and wondering how much power they will have to give away to keep the money men happy.

image from pixabay

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