New budget airline seeks to expand its innovative new business model

Aviation experts are keenly watching new airline PissAir (formerly trading as Jettison) whose, some say, radical business strategy is that it doesn't actually fly anywhere. It simply leases clapped-out, non-airworthy aircraft which it parks air-side in odd tucked-away corners at various unpopular, cash-strapped airports.

A PissAir spokesperson commented: 'We fill the aircraft full of brain-dead drunks to whom we flog cheap (but still highly-profitable) duty-free booze until they can't drink any more, or they pass out.

'Our package holidays are highly profitable and very popular since our customers can never remember whether or not they ever actually flew anywhere, and mostly don't care.'

It's understood Ryanair CEO, Mick O'Leary, is keenly awaiting Pissair's first year of trading figures before offering his opinion on the venture.

Photo by Bornil Amin on Unsplash

Down at the bank manager's office

Greg Clark & Vince Cable unaware of Post Office prosecutions

Former Ministers Greg Clark and Vince Cable have said that they were unaware that the Post Office was prosecuting sub-postmasters.

Both denied seeing news stories in Computer Weekly, Accountancy Age and Private Eye. Both denied that any of these were real publications. They also denied reading the Post Office Annual Reports or Business Plans, even though they had signed them off.

Both said that none of their staff were aware of these news stories and that no-one in the Conservative Party was aware of them either, not even their all-seeing special advisors and not even any of the think tanks. What would they know?

They added that none of their families, friends, acquaintances or constituents knew about the news stories, because none of them worked in computing, or worked as accountants or read Private Eye, and because they didn't know anyone who did either.

The chair of the Post Office Inquiry thanked both men for clarifying that they were extremely, enthusiastically and emphatically not involved and not to blame.

Picture credit: Wix AI