Calling UK government 'liars' exactly like calling a mega-tsunami 'a bit lappy'

Calling the Prime Minister and his selection of senior ministers 'serial liars' is falling on deliberately deaf ears. ' It's just a bit of fibbing and should be expected from our most upstanding and decent and honourable members of parliament,' said Doreen from Bournemouth, who is herself so powerful that she is directly responsible for the last two UK Prime Ministers rising to power.

Doreen has been labelled the 'Putin of Britain,' for her ability to install and maintain puppet regimes with the very opposite agendas of serving the interests of the British people. She is herself, however, immune to such labels as she has purposely turned down her hearing aid. 'I'm not interested in what people say, I am only interested in talking the ears off anyone in listening range. What do you think this is? Some sort of democracy? Grow a backbone, you pathetic snowflakes.'

In response, a leading UK barrister specialising in political law noted, 'Doreen is right. The Prime Minister and his fawning Cabinet of nodding hogs should not be called liars. Their consistently disproven and always laughably self-evident faux rhetoric should be more correctly referred to as Fraudulent Misrepresentation.'

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‘Let’s get back to headlines about dead people and fraud’ Johnson urges Cabinet

Boris Johnson has told Cabinet colleagues that he wants a return to headlines about unimportant people dying abandoned and alone in their homes and bodies piling high in the wider community rather than more damaging headlines like Parytgate and wallpaper. The PM hopes ending Covid restrictions early will see a dramatic increase in hospitalisations, acute illness and record numbers of people dying from the virus and distract people away from more serious matters like his dwindling support within the Tory party.

Sources close to government say Mr Johnson has become increasingly concerned about his plummeting popularity in recent weeks and is seeking ways to change the negative narrative surrounding his failure to obey his own lockdown rules. ‘The PM would like to see a return to those heady days when all the small talk was about spiralling death rates across the UK, fraudulent PPE claims and a crippled NHS facing collapse…..he would die for upbeat headlines like that right now rather than these constant personal attacks about his behaviour during lockdown and his suitability for high office.

The headlines about people dying of Covid related illness were everywhere at one time and did take up a bit of his time….but he actually takes these headlines about his popularity seriously and wants them sorted. We think ending Covid restrictions earlier than expected will have the desired effect. It stands to reason that if your nan is fighting for her life after being admitted to hospital following a new wave of Covid you are more likely to be concerned about that than how much wine Boris chugged at on of his work events or whether he and Carrie prefer dancing to Abba or the Bee Gees.

'Ending restrictions early and seeing news footage of people on respirators dying in hospitals will help Boris bury those negative headlines once and for all’.

Businessman Newspaper Read - Free image on Pixabay

'Big Dog has shit on the carpet once too often’ says Tory donor

A Big Dog kept at 10 Downing Street by Tory donors has shit on the carpet once too often said one of its owners.

Speaking from his home in Monaco, Russian billionaire Sergi Merkatz - who owns several properties across London - criticised the dog for leaving yet another putrid stench festering on the Downing Street carpet.

Mr.Merkatz said the old dog was no longer able to carry out simple commands or come to heel when ordered to by its masters and so the time had come to replace the mutt with a dog that knew how to behave.

‘We were prepared to overlook the indiscriminate humping, the daily arse licking, the constant need for attention….but not understanding basic commands is the last straw. If I throw something on the Cabinet table then I expect the dog to fetch it for me….if I tell him to roll over I expect him to do it without question.

I haven’t donated £1.2m to the Tory party just to watch this incontinent dog shitting everywhere….. they need to clean up his mess and get a dog that realises who its masters are.

It is time to have the old dog put down'.

Golden Retriever Dog Isolated - Free photo on Pixabay