Canada to become associate member of Eurovision

Negotiations that would allow Canada to join Australia in a European singing competition have slowed, with concerns growing that Canada might alternate between Celine Dion and Justin Bieber on a never ending loop.

One European negotiator spoke on the condition of anonymity 'Near... far... wherever you are. Oh God, it's happening already. I think if the US ever invades Canada, they could just play that song on a loop until the American troops begin weeping and voluntarily leave.'

'If you combined that with some weaponised glitter canons, the Canadians could use 'My Heart will go on' as an offensive weapon, clearing a path to the White House before Mark Carney pushes Donald Trump off a door into the icy waters of the North Atlantic.'

photo: Newsbiscuit Archive

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Trump Still Unable to Deliver Wall

A computer game created for the White House government website has been removed due to a potential copyright infringement.

The Tetris-style game, called 'Build the Wall', was taken down shortly after rights owners The Tetris Company raised concerns over its use of the game's likeness.

The premise of the game was for players to stack blocks to build a wall to 'protect the border from zombies' trying to get into the US.

However, the removal of the 'Build the Wall' game is further proof that US President Donald Trump still cannot deliver on his promise of building an impregnable border wall between the US and Mexico.

Meanwhile, Canada is awaiting anxiously on the US building a wall between it and the States as they would feel 'very much safer from their Southern neighbours' with one in place.

Image: Wix AI

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Canada to rename Gordie Howe bridge

Canada has, with a heavy heart, announced plans to rename the recently opened Gordie Howe bridge that links Canada to the US.

'It's not big, and it's not clever,' said Premier Mark Carney. 'I feel that we are being dragged down to Trump's level. But we have agreed to match tariffs dollar for dollar, so we can't let the big orange man-baby rename Lake Ontario without a response.

'From Monday, the Gordie Howe bridge will be officially renamed the Donald Trump Is An Economically Illiterate Bully And A Big Fat Loser And An Epstein Loving Pervert Bridge. We've already bought the web domain.'

image by Grok

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