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The Parliamentary Standards Committee is investigating the gift of five million pounds to Nigel Farage, before he became an MP.


‘We want to see the card,’ said a pale functionary.  ‘In our view, the nature of the card, and the sentiments expressed in it, are critical to determining if the gift was personal or tantamount to a political donation.


‘For example, if the card says ‘Happy Birthday Nige!  I’ve transferred some birthday money into your Swiss account – go wild!’, then that sounds more personal.  But if the card says ‘Remittance, for services to be rendered in the future, five million quid, please acknowledge safe receipt and provide a VAT invoice’, then it sounds a bit more businessy.


If the card has a cake, or a balloon, or bottles of fizz on it, then again, it seems more of a personal thing.  If the card has a picture of an England flag, or Clacton, or small boats in the channel, then one would construe that as being more political.


It’s entirely possible that Nigel didn’t keep the card. If you receive that sort of money on a regular basis, I imagine that the whole thing becomes a bit mundane.



Image credit: Wix AI (edited)


Christmas Card Report issued by NewsBiscuit for today, Sunday 14th December, at 1000.


Glitter: pleasantly declining, good, but outlook remains unclear.


Animals: Robins 5, Kingfisher 1, Highland Cattle 8


Incorrect Addresses: 1


Who's that one from? 1, Hungary, no postmark, solved, good.


Self-made: 2, show offs, rising.



Image credit: perchance.org

The card can be personalized to feature any sex island of your choice. The list of images are all incredibly tasteful- they include Peter Mandelson laughing with a sex criminal, Peter Mandelson shopping with a sex criminal or Peter Mandelson appearing on TV pretending he never met the guy.


The "my best pal" range has a Mandelson selection of Kompromat messages. It offers a variety of fonts - all of them bloody. And can be translated into English or Israeli depending on which intelligence group you are lobbying for. The cards feature best wishes with all endeavours - "I hear you are to be assassinated in prison - Get Well Soon" "I hear your recently slept with Prince Andrew- Happy 14th birthday" and the every popular "I hear you are the biggest creep in the entire world - Good Luck with new job as Ambassador to the US".


image from Google Gemini


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