top of page
Search

£10 notes 'cheapest source of fuel'





A comparative study of energy sources by the Federation Researching Economic Zero-net Energy (FREEZE) has found that the cheapest source of fuel for most homes is £10 notes.


'It was not that much of a surprise,' explained Professor Ron Jenkins of Clacton University. 'I suspected it might be the case when my car's insurance went up two bands after filling it with petrol. All the same, the cost per kilowatt from the new government approved money burning stove represent quite a saving.'


Jacob Rees-Mogg, fresh from his triumph of Britain being able to buy non-existent vacuum cleaners, echoed Professor Jenkins.


'I recommend that poor people stockpile a few thousand £10 notes to keep them warm in the winter; I have.'



First published 29 Jun 2022


If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?
















Nigel Farage to release a cover version of 'I Would Walk Five Hundred Miles'


Words I make up, well, you know I'm that M P

I'm the kind of man who makes up lies to you

When I walk out, yeah, you know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who walks all over you

If I get power, well, you know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who makes life bad for you

Forget all health care, yeah, you know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna privatise the health care meant for you


Well I did take five million pounds

And I would take five million more

Just to be the man who brought the Nat-ional

Health down to the floor 


When I'm workin', yes, you know it's not to be

It's not to be that I am workin' hard for you

It's those with money who decider the work I do

And I'll keep each 'n every penny meant for you

When I buy homes (When I buy homes), oh, you know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who takes your home from you

And if you grow old, well, you know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who takes all benefits from you


So I did take five million pounds

And I would take five million more

Just to be the man who told a thousand

Lies and start a Ci-vil War


Na-na na na (Na-na na na)

Na-na na na (Na-na na na)

Na-na dumb iddy dumb iddy dumb iddy-ots you are!



Farage running out of shell companies

The leader of Reform Ltd is understood to be running out of shell companies to not run businesses from.  To date he appears to have at least three shell companies, possibly six, which don't appear to do anything, make anything or show signs of solvency.


At least two appear to have been put on winding up procedures before apparently being put on unwinding up procedures (winding down?), with at least one run, seemingly badly, by the girlfriend that did and didn't buy the house he doesn't use as a constituency home despite claiming he bought it as a constituency home several times until someone noticed he hadn't paid a stamp duty surcharge on it. 


Luckily for Mr Farage, his girlfriend, who doesn't appear to have an income, had nearly £1 million pounds in her bank account so she was able to pay cash.  Presumably he will be able to claim to heat the house from his expenses for the times he's not in it.


image from pixabay


bottom of page