People of Ukraine & Gaza forget their suffering

The people of Ukraine and Gaza forget all about their suffering - being bombed, shot and/or starved, and being generally f*cked about by Donald Trump and his arse-licking acolytes - in their ecstasy at learning that some singer (?) has become engaged to some footy player.

'My family have all been killed, I've been seriously wounded and my home and all my possessions have been destroyed' said one happy man. 'But hey-ho!  Who cares about minor inconveniences like that?  I couldn't be happier, knowing that this couple are set for a lifetime - or at least, a week or so - of wedded bliss.  I can't stop thinking them all day long, and at night as well, when I am kept awake by the noise of bombing, shelling and gunfire.'

Image credit: deep dream generator

Govt. to introduce Sleb Tax

Under proposed new measures, anyone claiming or aspiring to the status of a celebrity will be taxed, at a rate proportional to either (a) how tedious and/or pretentious the public find them to be, or (b) how many column-inches of print media / minutes of broadcast media / Mb of social media they occupy / clog-up / pollute.

There have also been proposals for Ultra-Low Emission Zones, banning or taxing toxic emissions of bollosck, bullshit, fakery, bakery, snowfakery and wokery.  No more greenwashing / sportswashing / attempted brainwashing in public.

Alleged slebs who claim that, in their particular case, their celebrity generates no income from which they could pay a sleb tax, will be told to get their act together, and either shape up as a proper, officially recognised celebrity and make a decent pile of money out of it, or just shut the f*ck up, piss off and stop wasting our time & attention.  Megharry in particular.

https://pixabay.com/photos/income-tax-calculation-calculate-491626/

https://www.newsbiscuit.com/

Various vacuous vixens voyage into the void

Noted rocket scientist and astrophysicist Katy Perry has criticised the apparent lack of return trajectory for the Blue Origin space rocket.

A spokeswoman said, 'Katy has crunched the numbers, and she’s not happy with the rocket's thrust or fuel burn rates. She would also like to know how best to make her space suit a bit sluttier – what with all the thrusting. If she makes it back, hopefully she'll be able to describe space without using the word 'girl-boss', but let's see.'

Divorce lawyer Karolina Krychowiak said, 'Divorce number 1 cost Bezos $38 billion, so to avoid divorce number 2 he’s going to fire his girlfriend and some collateral damage, into the depths of space. That's cold - and I'm not talking about the depths of space.'

Old school sexist Derek Drummond dribbled, 'They’ve got all of space, but I bet those women still won’t be able to park.' Drummond went suspiciously quiet when shown a photo of Perry in her newly altered space suit.

Picture credit: Deep Dream Generator