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Concern for all Dickensian-named Civil Servants after Morgan McSweeney is ousted


With the removal of Morgan McSweeney, it is not a good time to be a Dickensian named civil servant. Permanent Secretary Josiah Bounderby and Assistant Secretary Affery Flintwinch have been sidelined and rumours are that Anne Chickenstalker and Mortimer Lightwood are to be the next to go.


Lady Honoria Dedlock, despite her connections will be replaced and Horatio Pricklesnitch is expected to be forced into early retirement. Because of their association with a known Mandelson, Senior Principles Egbert

Pardiggle and Charity Pecksniff will also relinquish their roles. Obviously Wackford Squeers and Dick Swiveller are expected to go by the end of the week; they would just be a distraction at this point.


It looks like Tiny Tim Cratchit has kept his position, but maybe only till consumption eventually takes him.


image from pixabay

Civil service 'seriously considered' telling Queen that bears defecate in woods



Senior civil servants 'seriously considered' telling the Queen that bears sh*t in the woods and that the Pope is a Catholic, according to the BBC's Laura Kuennsberg.


Furthermore, says Kuennsberg, they seriously considered telling her that Boris Johnson was behaving in office like a gallivanting elephant out of its head on amphetimines.


'There would have been no other way for Her Majesty to have known how disgracefully irresponsible and chaotic her prime minister was,' continued Kuennsberg.


'Apart from by opening a newspaper, watching the telly, listening to the radio or speaking to any other human being in Britain during the time that Boris was in Downing Street.


'Or by meeting him, I suppose,' added Kuennsberg.


'Two minutes in Johnson's company would have told her everything about this reckless, blundering oaf that she'd ever have needed to know.'



First published 19 Sep 2023


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Civil Service reels as higher level apprenticeships are scrapped


The Civil Service is horrified that the government has scrapped funding for higher level apprenticeships and for older apprentices.


A spokesman said, ‘The Civil Service has an excellent record of delivering apprenticeship places. Everyone in HR is doing an apprenticeship. The government is funding their MA courses and their PhD’s that are essential in getting them well paid jobs in the private sector.   Without the apprenticeship scheme, all these stupid old duffers won’t get any qualifications, and they will just hang around and block promotion for younger staff.


‘All professional functions will be affected – procurement, facilities management, organisational development, finance, talent management, equality and disability officers, LGBTQ+ champions, records management, and communications experts – all the critical back office functions that keep the Civil Service show on the road. This is a tremendous blow.  Without the apprenticeships to keep them busy, these people will be back in the office thinking up new and stupider ways to bugger up the Civil Service.


‘Thankfully, policy work is not affected.  All our policy staff are essentially untrained, including those with degrees in PPE from Oxford University.   They have always argued that their lived experience from the University of Hardly Any Knocks is the best training for thinking up dim-witted policies for their ministers. 


'So, going forward in the new world without funding for apprentices, policymaking will continue to be done by shadowy think tanks, and the civil servants will continue to present this work as their own.’



Picture credit: Wix AI

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