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Just Stop Fun plans summer of protest




The protest group Just Stop Fun is launching a new summer campaign against Big Oil. After disrupting all the adult sporting events this summer, the focus of protests is now switching to kids activities in the school holidays.


Colin Snide (not his real name) is a spokesmouth for Just Stop Fun. He told me that the group would be targeting children’s playgrounds, chaining up roundabouts, padlocking swing chains and putting very sticky stuff on slides so that they don’t work. ‘Our kids,’ he says, ‘will be seriously affected by climate change, so we want to use pester power to get home our message to Just Stop Big Oil. We know that their tears and screams will send a strong message to deadbeat parents who are addicted to fossil fuels and non-recyclable take-away tubs. The kids know that, deep down, we are on their side and that we are not just dismal old fun-sponges with no sense of proportion.’


A campaign of targeted interventions over the summer is planned at theme parks and seaside attractions. Planned stunts will include:


• sedating seaside donkeys so that they can’t give rides

• putting fish entrails in the splashdown at the big dipper, so that everyone smells really bad for the rest of the day

• concreting in most of the holes at crazy golf courses (not the one with the little windmill, obviously)

• putting nutella into ball ponds at pubs and play areas so that parents are freaked out when their kids emerge covered in brown sticky stuff

• using Mr Whippy vans to serve entirely liquid ice creams, to illustrate the impact of climate change


Colin says ‘for six weeks we are going to relax, kick back and do something a bit different. Once the kids are safely back at school we will get back to buggering up buses, trains, traffic and sporting events. So enjoy the summer break!’



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First published 24 Jul 2023


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Exam board defends convoluted and labyrinthine Maths exam questions


A Qualifications Scotland spokesperson has defended a controversial Higher Maths paper after pupils said that it was "unrecognisable" from the paper they had prepared for in class. The pupils said that the wording of the questions was so confusing that they did not know what was being asked.


Sir Humphrey responded: " A constriction of the channels of communication, that culminated in a condition of organisational atrophy and administrative paralysis may have lead to the mix-up.  Whilst we accept that there is a real dilemma here, in that, while it has been exam board policy to regard the responsibility of teachers and adjudicators as a responsibility of the Exam board, the question of questions policy can cause confusion between the policy of questions and the question of policy, especially when responsibility for the administration of the policy of questions conflicts, or overlaps with, responsibility for the question of the administration of questions. I hope that clears things up".


He added. "Please put you pens down and turn over your papers. Application forms for jobs at McDonalds are available as you leave".



Image credit: Wix AI (edited)

Concern for all Dickensian-named Civil Servants after Morgan McSweeney is ousted


With the removal of Morgan McSweeney, it is not a good time to be a Dickensian named civil servant. Permanent Secretary Josiah Bounderby and Assistant Secretary Affery Flintwinch have been sidelined and rumours are that Anne Chickenstalker and Mortimer Lightwood are to be the next to go.


Lady Honoria Dedlock, despite her connections will be replaced and Horatio Pricklesnitch is expected to be forced into early retirement. Because of their association with a known Mandelson, Senior Principles Egbert

Pardiggle and Charity Pecksniff will also relinquish their roles. Obviously Wackford Squeers and Dick Swiveller are expected to go by the end of the week; they would just be a distraction at this point.


It looks like Tiny Tim Cratchit has kept his position, but maybe only till consumption eventually takes him.


image from pixabay

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